


The " S " Word

by Mayaxiong



Category: Southern Vampire Mysteries - Charlaine Harris, True Blood (TV)
Genre: Angst, Bikinis, Bonfires, Comedy, Drunken Shenanigans, F/M, Humor, Multi, Romantic Comedy, Smut, Travel, Twins
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-12-28
Updated: 2008-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:26:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 24,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28373871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mayaxiong/pseuds/Mayaxiong
Summary: THE " S " WORDSookie finds her inner Goddess and puts the men in her life, back in their place, once and for all. *takes place after book 8*I own nothing, it would be an enormous waste of time to sue me, since Charlaine Harris owns all these characters anyway. I promise to clean them up before I put them back. I swear.Rated Explicit for later chapters.
Relationships: Bill Compton/Sookie Stackhouse/Eric Northman/Original Male Characters
Kudos: 1





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Originally published Dec. 28, 2008 on FF.Net under my other name, AphroditesChild54.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'd just about had enough. 

I mean, so far I'd been stabbed, shot, shredded, scratched, slapped, staked, and all the other 'S' words you can think of that describe violent physical trauma, and I was fed up. 

I was fed up with Vampires, Weres, Shapeshifters, Witches, Fairies, Rednecks, Religious Zealots and all their stupid shit (pardon my French)

I was in desperate need of a nice long break. 

The only good news was that Amelia had moved in with Trey Dawson and Octavia'd finally gotten her FEMA money to relocate, so she'd high-tailed it back to the Big Easy and opened up a Wiccan herb shop. I had the house all to myself, but I'd lost the extra income from their rents.

I tallied up my total earnings for this past 2 weeks, meager as they were, and sighed, this would be another lean month for me, what with me having done favors for the Shreveport vamps and their unending list of demands, and all that time off work, and none of it yet having been reimbursed. Ugh. It was too depressing to think about.

Eric had been especially obnoxious lately, I've no doubt it had to do with that blasted Blood bond he'd been forced to use on me in Rhodes, and his resulting memories returning about our brief (but sexually satisfying) assignation (word of the day) during his 2 week 'blackout'. We barely spoke, except occasionally through Pam.

Apparently, Mr. 'I'm-So-Gorgeous-You-Can't-Resist-Me' hadn't come to terms with the idea that he'd offered to reject his many lucrative business endeavors, relocate to a backwater bayou town with no Wal-Mart that no one in their right mind would want to live in, (not even those that were born here) settle into a 175-year old farmhouse directly across the graveyard from my first lover-now stalker Bill, chop wood, and hold my hand. 

Yeah, right. That'll happen when Mars bleeds maple syrup. I wasn't surprised he was cranky. I sure was.

And Bill...well what can I say about Bill? He blows hot and cold and can't seem to make up his mind what he wants. I see him in town with his latest girlfriend, some gorgeous and skinny brunette real estate agent that makes me look like cow patties, and then he's at my back door at 3:am, 'just checking on me' and tells me he still loves me..

Yeah well, buddy, actions speak louder than words. 

If that's not bad enough, my stupid brother drags me into his baby-mama-drama once again, and gets off scot-free. What are the odds?

Not to mention Quinn and Alcide continue to snarl at each other over 'Who should be Sookie's Mate', even though neither of them bothered to ask ME. 

They can all just go pound sand. 

I scan the newspaper ads and see a listing for a Travel Agency, it appears they need a part time receptionist and part of the perks are free travel vouchers. Oooooohhh. I figure, why the hell not?

I obviously can't afford to pay for my own vacation, and I'd rather gouge out my own eyeballs than to ask Mr. Great-God-Of-The-North for any money to go anywhere. He'd want too many questions answered, there would be too many strings, he'd want to send a bodyguard, which would probably end up being someone I couldn't stand, etc etc.. so...

I scrounged up a nice pair of slacks and a cute blouse, wrapped my ponytail into a bun, and dragged myself into town, with the clipping in my hand. 

The 'Three Wishes' Travel Agency, located in a sunny street in Bon Temps business district (which consisted of 2 streets running parallel to each other and topped off at the corner by the courthouse, with a nice blue and white shingle overlooking the sidewalk,) looked innocent enough.

My hands cupped around my eyes as I peered through the plate glass window and scanned the interior for signs of abnormal activity, since I was now an expert on the subject. 

Looked pretty quiet. No fangs anywhere, no yellow eyes, no furry appendages, no pentagrams or FOTS flyers, at least that I could see. This might just work out.

My interview was short and sweet, the owner (a nice looking older lady named Imelda) needed someone to answer phones during the day, 3 days a week, while the regular receptionist (Becky) was at her doctors. Seems she was 8 1/2 months along and fixin' to Domino any minute and they needed to train someone immediately. 

"We need someone with as few outside obligations as possible, do you have a husband or boyfriend at home that will object to your sometimes working late at night? "

"None living", I replied, using my best Crazy Sookie grin. 

"Lovely, there's the phone, the message pads, pens and Xerox machine paper. Welcome aboard". 

A monkey could have done it. I was in.

After a period of a couple of weeks, Becky's imminent stay at the hospital became a reality and I was asked if I could fill in full time during the day. She'd be taking maternity leave indefinitely so now I had full time all week to look forward to with weekends off. 

Ahhhhhh. No rude and drunk customers, no 'accidentally' overhearing Arlene bitch about me, no 'just dropping by' by one Vampire or another, no family drama, no grab-ass by LSU frat boys on a bender. No serial killers looking to make a name for themselves in the paper. 

Silence. 

I think I'm home. 

I grinned.

Sam didn't take it too well. I told him I could work Saturday nights until he found a replacement but the weekdays were definitely over for me.

I think I actually did him a favor, I'm sure the other waitresses, (Arlene especially) were sick of my ever-changing schedule and last minute crisis time-offs. I also deliberately didn't tell him where I was working, that way Bill and other various Supes couldn't find an excuse to just 'stop by'. 

I told him I was going back to night school and would keep him in the loop as soon as something concrete presented itself. I hated lying to him, but if Sam knew where I was, then so would Eric, Bill and Jason. Those four couldn't keep quiet if Moses himself duct-taped their mouths shut.

Nope, this was going to be my little secret. 

The first couple of weeks working full time were great, it was peaceful, quiet, and the most interaction I'd had with anyone (or anything) living was to refer an elderly lady to our Special Needs Agent, who wanted to make arrangements for her wheelchair on her Caribbean cruise. 

Ahhhhhhhh. Bliss. 

All I had to do now was to wait until I was there long enough to qualify for my little vacation package. (6 weeks worth of work = 3 days, 3 nights in the beach resort of my choice, budget package of course, with airfare, meals, and tips included.) and the pay wasn't bad either.

I was so giddy at the prospect, of course, I neglected to consider the amount of time I was 'incommunicado' (new word of the day) with the rest of civilization. Or what could pass for civilization in Bon Temps, which at the moment, was more or less, Vampires, Shifters, and sundry other previous annoyances in my life.

My last shift at Sam's had been almost 2 weeks ago, and so far, I hadn't heard of any incidents involving shootouts, bombings, stabbings, werewolf attacks, arson, stakings or anything unusual at Merlotte's since I'd left. 

Wow. 

Apparently it was Deader than Dead at the bar, now that its chief Drama magnet, Sookie Stackhouse, had moved on to greener pastures. 

When I had run in the back door of the bar one afternoon to pick up my final paycheck, Sam was so busy with all the new business, he'd hardly had 2 words to say to me. He hadn't seen Bill, or Calvin, or anyone other than Jason, who never even noticed I wasn't working. Gotta love big brothers. They can really put you back into perspective.

Well so much for Miss Drama Queen and her entourage, apparently I was under the radar once again. I did feel a little put out about not being the center of attention as usual, but wasn't this exactly what I wanted? Sort of? Maybe?

You know when they say 'be careful what you wish for"?  
Well no such luck for me. 

I got home late one afternoon, and was greeted by a blinking message light on my answering machine. As I looked at the Caller ID, I noticed it was a 318 area code. 

That couldn't be good. It wasn't Eric's number, or Fangtasia or even Pam's. The only other person in Shreveport that might be calling was either Clancy or Alcide. Crap. Ok, *deep breath* here goes.

"Beeeeeep: You have TWO messages: Message One."

"Hey Sookie, this is Clancy (DAMN DAMN DAMN !!) and Eric wants me to ask you ...um...well his exact words are ..'WHAT THE FUCK?", so I think maybe you should call him back or something? Pam says Hey and well, I gotta go now, you know the number."

Shit. Shit shit shit.

"Message Two:"

"I suppose you're off with another man again, another Vampire? Or is it a Were this time? It's becoming difficult keeping track of all your many lovers. Call me?" Bill's cool voice growled over the machine. 

Yeah, well that's why God invented GPS, Mr.Compton.

*sigh*

I gotta get out of this town.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Imelda had good news for me, she was heading off for a symposium in Hot-lanta for the long Labor Day weekend, and was going have the office closed for those 3 days. 

"How'd you like that little St Bart's cabana package for that weekend, Sookie?"

Stunned, I looked up from my travel magazine and grinned..

"Does Rose Kennedy have a black dress? Sure, I'd love it !"

"Splendid, use these two vouchers for airfare and THIS one (handing me a plastic travel agency gift card) for the hotel and meals. Don't forget to use a passport for customs and don't bring back any plants or liquor, I'd hate to have to pay a fine..."

"No problem Imelda, I got my passport last year, so I think I'm all set! Wow, thanks !" 

My smile couldn't have been any wider if I'd won Miss Supernatural of 2008. 

As Imelda left the office, waving goodbye, I danced around the room like an insane person. 

"Hot Damn!! "

My next mission was to blaze a white-hot trail home and pack, I had just over 2 hours until I could catch that puddle-jumper in Monroe that would take me to Miami, then St. Bart's. 

My house looked like a laundry room had exploded, I was throwing clothes everywhere in an attempt to find something that could remotely be called 'resort' wear. 

I finally settled on 3 different bikinis and a couple cover-ups, one nice slip-dress, 1 pair of jeans and shirt, 2 pairs of sandals and one pair strappy heels. Oh and of course, my newest obsession, thongs. Yes, I know, I know, who's there to see them? Well I'd thought about that, but I really liked the way I looked in them, and who knows, maybe some hot dark-eyed Latin lover would appreciate me just for me, and not what I could DO to enhance their careers and social standing. For God's sakes. *sigh*

So I packed several pairs of black lacy ones, a couple white lacy ones and I'd found some especially sexy red velvet thongs at Tara's Togs on sale. After Christmas thing I guess. I took one bra, hell, that should be enough.

I was off. 

Six hours and 2 plane changes later, (thank goodness I took only carry-on luggage !) I was winging my way to St Barts over a gorgeous aqua-blue ocean, with the setting sun sparkling on the water and the wispy peach-colored clouds caressing the sun's last rays. 

Heaven. 

I looked at my cell phone. Three calls from Fangtasia, with no messages, 2 more from Bill with the usual veiled accusations of slutty behavior. If he only knew what I'd planned for myself when I got to the island, he'd be deliciously furious.

I quietly chuckled and tried to talk myself out of the temptation of shoving my cell phone down under my thong, taking a picture and sending it back to Bill with the text message, "This is what you're missing." But it was a very near thing. 

It must have been that Gin and Tonic I was inhaling. 

The only person I'd told that I was leaving town, was Sam. I figured they'd all ask him anyway, and he'd get some street cred for being the only person who knew I was out-of-pocket. It would make his day to have something over on the 2 Vamps that had become the bane of my existence. 

Of course I gave him absolutely no details. I told him I was at a day-spa, getting 'refurbished' and I didn't want any visitors since it was for females only. To head off any possible interference by Pam, I told him I would be there in the daytime only and would contact him when I got back. I'd hoped I'd covered all the bases. 

I felt smug that I'd eluded all these Oh-So-Superior-Males and mentally flipped them all off. This was going to be fun, if not for the actual experience, but just imagining the looks on their faces when they realized that I was out of the scope of their influence. At least for the time being.

I giggled so insanely at the mental image that the flight attendant passing by me flinched in alarm.  
I guess she'd never seen a runaway burned-out telepath before.

I was beginning to have serious doubts about my sanity.

One white-knuckled Piper Cherokee plane ride later and I was standing in the lobby of the Isle de France in the French West Indies island of St. Barths, looking for all intents and purposes like the quintessential (new word of the day) American tourist. 

I'm sure the front desk clerk thought I was drugged because of my slower-than-a-sea-turtle response to their questions about the accommodations I'd wanted. Finally, after having the staff wave hands and hold up numerous fingers to check for pupil dilation, I was escorted to my cabana on the beach. It was just dark, and the torchlight and bonfires cast romantic shadows and flickering light across the powdery white sands. 

I clutched the arm of the caramel-skinned bellboy, and demanded...

"A Mai-tai, can I get a Mai-tai, do you think?"

"Yes, Miss Stackhouse, of course, let me get you settled in, and I can have the bar send a drink right out to your cabana."

The first thing that crossed my mind was.  
"That's it, I'm moving here."  
I thought about the beautiful sunsets and the warm sands, the exact opposite of what the Vamps in my life could appreciate or give me. They wanted me heeled, subservient, beholden, and enthralled to them. Preferably in the dark, in snow (take that Eric !) or in bed (take that Bill ! ) 

Screw that shit. (Pardon my French again) I have a feeling my French is going to get much more pronounced before this trip is over.

So far, my 'S' words had been about pain, upheaval and unhappiness. Maybe this trip will change all that. I plan to work on it. Now I need to find something to wear down to the bar....

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The room was gorgeous, all bamboo wood and ferns and white wispy sheer drapes. You'd never believe in a million years that there was snow anywhere in the world after seeing this vision of the tropics. After unpacking my meager luggage, I pulled out my little blue slip dress and flat sandals and headed down to the bar to get that drink.

The very next thing I did, while moseying through the lobby, requisite Mai-Tai in hand, was to pick up a pre-paid disposable Cell phone from the gift shop. I programmed in my important numbers, just for emergencies, then dawdled back onto the beach, the evening trade winds whipping my long blonde hair every which way, and pitched my regular (the one Eric gave me, damn thing probably had Satellite tracking on it) cell phone as far into the surf as I could possibly throw it. 

I waved goodbye to the annoying and offending bit of my last tether to Bon Temps, and vowed to keep a straight face when relating that a rogue sea-weed wrap masseuse had accidentally dropped it into the mud baths, resulting in a scalded Sim-card. 

Hey, that's my story and I'm sticking to it. 

The breeze was warm, and fragrant with plumeria and gardenia, and I was enjoying myself immensely, until I looked around and realized that every other person was paired up with a boyfriend, girlfriend, wife, husband, rent-boy, professional escort, etc. 

I was the only solo act here. 

Damn. Damn damn damn.

Well this would not do. Not at all. 

As if it were pre-ordained, an unbelievably gorgeous 30-ish 6 foot tall guy with long dark brown hair, and sea-green eyes, tapped me on the shoulder, holding out a dripping cell phone.

"I believe this is yours, Miss.....?" 

His raised eyebrow indicated that he was expecting a response sometime this century. 

"Ah, yeah, I was getting rid of it, it's well....a long story", I sputtered, grinning like an idiot. Damn Mai-Tai

.

He stepped a bit closer, looking around with a conspiratorial air, and whispered, with a hint of amusement on his tanned chiseled face..

"Whoever he is, you must be pretty pissed off at him.."

A very unladylike snort escaped my lips..

"Him? Try THEM...", then thought it might make me look a whole bunch more slutty than I was in real life. But then people had always assumed that of me anyway, what was one more? How much alcohol is in a Mai-Tai anyway?

"I think you might want to return to the relative safety of the lobby, if nothing but to refresh your drink.."

He gently guided me back to the interior, his strong hand on my lower back, and attempted to peel my claw-like hand away from the cold glass I was holding.

"Heyyy... I'm not done with that". I snarled.

By now, my jet-lag, general anxiety and alcohol-fueled righteous indignation had all ganged up on me and threw me directly under the bus.

Holding one hand over his mouth to avoid laughing directly in my face, my escort, all 6 gorgeous feet of him, leaned across the bar and spoke to the barkeep, while my gaze drifted toward his lean torso, then his narrow hips and long legs, all of this wrapped in a lovely ensemble of a gauzy white cotton shirt and pants. 

I was silently begging him to turn around so I could scope out his backside, when I distinctly noticed from an ‘impression' in his white cotton pants, that he was going commando. 

Oh yeah. You couldn't hide from me, could you?

Have I mentioned how much I like Mai-Tais? Anyone?

What's even funnier, is that the whole time I've been here, I haven't heard one thought pop out of anyone's head, accidental or otherwise. A sudden fear rushed over me, had I run across the only tropical Vampire retreat in St Bart's by accident? I checked around...No, no void spots, just no thoughts being slung my way. I wondered about that. I wondered if it had anything to do with being so close to the Bermuda Triangle or something, or they maybe had like, a jamming system for radar, or whatever.  
My escort turned around, with a brimming cup of coffee in his hand.

“Maybe we should let you sit down for a minute, you’re looking a bit wobbly”. 

I took the coffee, letting the glass slip from my hand towards the tile floor. My escort caught the glass inches from the tile. Good reflexes.  
I plopped myself in the nearest overstuffed chair, took a sip of the hot coffee and looked up into those mesmerizing green eyes. 

“Hi, I’m Sookie Stackhouse, nice to meetcha”, holding out my free hand. “What did you say your name was again?”

My knight in shining white cotton leaned toward me, pulled a wisp of blonde hair behind my ear, and murmured..

“Enchanted, Miss Stackhouse, I’m Eric”. 

Oh HELL !

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2
> 
> Sookie finds her Inner Goddess and puts the men in her life in their place, once and for all. Rated Mature for later chapters, which just might be this one, so watch out.  
> *Takes place after Book 8* Sorry this is a short chapter, I have to single-handedly save the country from economic ruin by Christmas shopping at the last minute.

======================================================================================================

The pain in my head was dimming somewhat, with that revelation, when I squinted and looked up at my erstwhile escort, ERIC. Gawd.

I mumbled something about Karmic retribution, which thankfully, he didn't catch. 

Apparently the Universe was having it's little joke on me, no doubt in payback for the sneaky and underhanded way I bailed out of town without so much as a by-your-leave to anyone except Sam. 

"Sorry, I seem to have a headache". 

Eric surreptitiously scooted my cup and saucer across the coffee table farther from my hand..

" I have to admit, it's probably the first time a woman has banged her head on a table upon hearing my introduction, I hope that's not a custom on your planet. "

That raised eyebrow was in danger of becoming an obsession. I resisted the urge to lick it.

"Sorry, I was trying to dislodge an unpleasant memory". 

I received a well-deserved smirk from Eric in response.

"Obviously it's your first time here, otherwise you'd already know me."

I rolled my eyes, what was it with men and their gigantic egos? 

"Ah, you must be KING Eric then...I guess I missed that little announcement". I smirked back...

Eric's own smug look faded a bit...and was replaced with a look of confusion. I liked that. 

"So if you're not a King, then you're well-known in these parts for what, exactly?".. I tossed out my best Crazy Sookie grin, just in case he grew fangs or something. 

"I own the local watering hole, Murphy's, it's sort of a family business". 

Of course. Why didn't I see that one coming?

A bellboy was tapping me on the shoulder..  
"Miss Stackhouse, you left your receipt at reception, did you want to keep it?"

I know my eyes must have looked bleary, but I had no choice but to turn around and answer.

"Sure, thanks" 

I turned back to resume my conversation, suddenly convinced I must have given myself a concussion, there were now 2 Erics sitting there. I waved my hands in front of my face, looking for the tell-tale signs of double vision.

Wait. One of them was dressed in black jeans and a Motorhead t-shirt. What the...??

Eric #1 snorted. "Oh sorry, we get that look all the time, this is my twin brother". Eric #2 leaned over and shook my lifeless hand. "Hi, I'm Bill, a pleasure to meet you. " 

All right, that was it.

The Deer-in-the-headlights look would have to wait.

Lurching to my feet, I weaved through the lobby towards the dining room, cursing under my breath. I knew it was only a matter of fixing my low blood sugar and it would all just go away. This could NOT be happening.

"Was it something I said?" blurted Eric #2, err, Bill, with a comical look on his face. 

I found the closest open table, snatched a menu from the shaking hands of the waiter, and ordered a BLT. I've always found peace in pork products when I'm upset. I would have ordered Pork rinds, but I didn't think they'd have them in such a nice restaurant.

My now 'TWO' escorts ambled in, apparently to witness if I made it to my table without breaking anything, sat themselves down across from me just as my sandwich arrived, and stared at me...silently communicating in that weird Twins language they undoubtedly had.

"Whhmmppff? I mumbled with my mouth full of bacony goodness.

"Well my brother here, (Bill waved feebly) wanted to know if you'd like to visit our bar?" 

I made an effort to try and give the impression that I was a lady by dabbing my napkin over my lips before I spoke with my mouth full.  
"Sure...why not? What else can go wrong?"

Famous last words, of course. 

"So what do you do for a living Miss Stackhouse? May I call you Sookie?" Eric #2, Oh OK, BILL said. 

My eyes squinted up again of their own accord..  
"I'm a barmaid". 

Snickers all around.

"I bet you'd LOVE working for us.." Eric chortled.

I leveled my best Death Glare. 

"Not even if it would help the Space Program."  
God I was moody.

Bill leaned over and picked potato chips off my plate, much to my disbelief.

"Oh, I think we could convince you. See, I'm the clever one, and Eric here.." Eric picked the chip from Bill's hand and put it back on my plate. Like I'd eat it now after that...

"Yeah, I"m the naughty one", he whispered, with a huge grin on his face, revealing the most gorgeous white teeth I've ever seen.  
"But we still....share....everything.." 

Bill gave me a devilish wink. 

Ok, I have to admit, they were both hot enough to make a Nun kick a hole in a stained-glass window, the weirdness of their Twin-ship notwithstanding. 

I was obviously being tested, and if I could get past the whole name thing, it might actually work out to my benefit. You know, shouting things out in the 'heat of battle', as it were. 

"Check Please!"

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The 'S' Word
> 
> Sookie finds her Inner Goddess and puts the men in her life back in their place where they belong once and for all. 
> 
> Chapter 3
> 
> \--------------------------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to write it from the last chapter backwards. Oy.
> 
> I own nothing, Charlaine Harris owns everything and I promise to let Sookie play in this chapter, unless I get a C&D. 
> 
> I'd like to personally give a shout-out to Anthony Bourdain and his fabulous show 'No Reservations', without whom I would have had some very boring tv-watching evenings, and the resulting little snippet to use on this fic. I’d do you in a New York Minute, Mr. Bourdain.
> 
> PS. I know about safe-sex and we’ll assume for the sake of argument that the boys practice it, but I’m not going to write them stopping any action to add raincoats, let’s just assume they do. Thanks.
> 
> WARNING, MATURE CHAPTER, ALL UNDER-AGE READERS TAKE A HIKE, and I know who you are. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
> 
> xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

First day here and already I have two men vying for my attentions. Cool. Sort of like at home, only these guys weren't, well, you know, dead.

If I had heard someone else make that statement, I'd definitely would have been listing them as a candidate for the rubber bus.

Be that as it may, now I was being introduced all around in 'Murphys', apparently the only place in town you could get a drink, from the looks of the crowd. 

It was the kind of place that Anthony Bourdain would call an ‘Ex-Pat’ bar, in other words, the lost and misplaced home-boys and girls that just couldn’t take much of that ‘tourist’ shit. 

I got the impression that this area had an inordinate amount of old hippies and slackers, judging from the looks of the crowd. The last time I saw this much tie-dye, Grateful Dead had performed in Shreveport and the town had basically been draped in the stuff.

I was to find out later, that Jerry Garcia was actually hiding out in Jackson Hole, Wyoming, ala ‘Bubba’. Who’da thought?

It was nice to have both Eric and Bill being so gallant, while they fended off advances from much better looking girls than me, but hey, beggars can't be choosers, and I was certainly not in the mood to beg. Well not much, anyway. We'd see about later, though.

There obviously was no point in me being as bent out of shape as a fat man's lawn chair if I could just get over the whole name thing, so I did and made the best of it.

Eric apparently had been paying attention to what I was drinking, so he had the barkeep give me a (I suspect much-watered down) Mai Tai. Probably just fruit juice, given my hostility at being denied my other one. 

I had to admit the music was good, lots of blues and local music, no touristy stuff, and since I'd never been here and had NO idea what to expect, I had to leave my entertainment in the hands of professionals.  
My escorts took it upon themselves to indoctrinate me on the local scene.

Bill filled in the history of the bar.

“Well, our dad was Greek and he married our Mom, she was Portuguese, and we ended up running his bar after he passed away. He fell in love with the Irish bars he found in New England, sort of because they were hangouts for regulars and he wasn’t a slave to the almighty dollar. He was always about the fun and adventure, and ..”

Eric chimed in.. “Not so much about the money, as you can see from our less-than-stellar décor.” I saw rough-hewn logs, palm fronds, neon bar signs, and a 3 foot high wooden Tiki god statue on the bar.

Just then, a tall, leggy blonde, strode up, and ran her red fingernails across Eric’s rock-hard chest…

“Where’ve you been? You know I always work on Friday just to see you.”

She looked like a propaganda ad for the Third Reich, all blonde and dark lipstick. In black patent leather no less. Must have been hotter than Hell. I could have killed her on sight just for the principle of it.

Eric peeled her hand away from his chest, much to her dismay, she looked me over with disdain and an undisguised sneer.

“We’re showing a friend around the bar, I’ll get back to you later. Don’t make a pest of yourself.” 

I chuckled at her reaction. “So what does Ilsa, Queen of the SS, do for a living? Executioner maybe?”

Bill rolled his eyes. “ Hostess, accountant, Bitch Queen of St. Barths ..you know… The usual”  
He smirked…I recognized that smirk.  
Eric chuckled.. “Bill’s just jealous because Brandi won’t date him…she prefers older men..”

Bill’s eyes widened with disbelief ..”You’re 3 fucking minutes older than me, for Christ sakes..”

“It’s not about the age, so much as the experience..” Eric smirked.  
This was beginning to sound eerily familiar.  
“Besides, I own the bar primarily for tax reasons and Bill here”, he motioned to Bill, “ does all the computer work and ordering. I’m more the Public Face of the bar while Bill is more behind-the-scenes..”

If ego had a poster boy, it would be a toss-up between both Erics. I was beginning to feel right at home.  
Bill picked up my hand and kissed the back of it…”I’m sure Miss Sookie here, would appreciate a real gentleman’s attentions just fine..”

Eric liberated my hand from Bills.. ”And I’m sure that Miss Sookie would prefer to have a nice drink, shall we?”

Eric led me to a table, with Bill playing catch-up on the other side of me..

The table was pretty much at the head of the room, it had a ‘reserved’ sign on it, no doubt for the owners and their guests. Eric decided we’d needed some Tequila shots, but I’m not much of a shot drinker, I prefer to keep my lunch inside my stomach where it won’t clash with my outfit. 

Several Mai Tais later,( I guess they weren’t so watered down after all) and I was feeling no pain. The boys kept me amused with anecdotes of the bar’s history.

“And there was this visiting rock star and his entourage that ended up in a fist-fight in the bar, all over some girl that turned out to be a Transvestite..” Eric grinned widely, his white teeth flashing.  
Bill snorted.. ”Yeah, you’d think a guy would recognize an Adam’s apple the size of a tennis ball..”

“And speaking of balls…” I smirked.. THAT got their attention..

”I hear there’s a nude beach on the Island..”

They both gave each other that weird Twins look, that meant silent communication, and Bill blurted out..  
”YES, yes, there’s a nude beach, it is private but I think we can get you an invitation..”  
Eric joined in.. ”Oh yeah, not a problem, nude beach…sure..” then sported that wide grin again. 

I swear, if you turned his hair blonde, gave him blue eyes and a pale skin, you’d have …well…a funny looking Greek guy with blonde hair and an albino skin tone. Never mind. The Mai Tais had really kicked in by now. 

Eric leaned over and twirled a lock of my hair between his fingers, all the while staring at my mouth, letting his gaze drop occasionally to my breasts.. Could it have killed him to look me in the eyes? 

Well, with due respect to myself, I DID have a great rack, and was considering calling them the ‘Coma-Inducers” just for fun. My old Bill had a very fond relationship with the Girls, and gave them his own names at one point. I won’t bore you with the details, but let’s just say I paid him back by calling his cock “Sparky” just to get even. That was the end of THAT little habit. 

“You still haven’t told us why you decided to visit our little rock..” Eric leered. 

”I’m in the Witness Protection Program…” I grinned. The less they knew about my background, the better. 

I noticed Bill staring quietly at me…lost in thought. “Are you in some kind of trouble, Sookie? Are you hiding out here from someone?” He placed his warm hand on mine… 

Oh if they only knew..

Eric shook his head. “Don’t be so nosy, Bill…” he patted my shoulder.. “Anyway”, giving Bill the ‘stink-eye’.. 

“Everyone that shows up here has a partner, why are you here on your own? Someone jilt you at the altar and you’re paying them back by taking the honeymoon by yourself?” 

Eric smirked like he’d thought of something really clever. The gorgeous little shit.

“No wedding, no altar, no honeymoon. I just needed a break from my overly stressed daily life of serving drinks to drunk and obnoxious bar patrons every day..” as I scanned the crowd of drunk and obnoxious bar patrons around me… 

The boys nodded in tandem, as if I’d said something profound. They were feeling no pain either, apparently, as evidenced by their pyramid stack of discarded shot glasses of Cuervo Gold. Eric attempted to lean on his hand and his elbow missed the edge of the table, earning him a quick ‘save’ by lurching upright at the last second. 

Oh yeah, it was going to be one of those nights.

“Actually, I’ve just been kind of pissed off at a couple of the men in my life, and I’m sort of feeling sorry for myself, so I figured a nice change of scenery would do me a world of good.” I made a half-assed attempt at smiling.

Bill’s eyes looked a bit bleary by this point but it didn’t diminish the effect of his eyes. “Anyone who would take you for granted is a fool..”

“Can I get you to put that in writing, maybe carved in stone?” I patted his hand.  
Eric, not to be outdone in the ‘Who can comfort Sookie more” contest, added.. “If some asshole thinks a woman like you grows on trees, then he’s a complete idiot..” 

Then he looked a little confused, as if he wasn’t quite sure he’d made sense, but I got the picture.

“Aww, you’re the sweetest guys in the world. How is it neither of you are married yet?” My buzz was coming back apparently.

“Well, Bill here, was married once, but she turned out to be a bitch,” Bill nodded, “and I just never found the right girl, or twelve..” Eric’s 40 watt smile lit me up.

I’d been ogling his manly black chest hairs that his open white shirt revealed to me, mentally curling them between my fingertips. Of course I wasn’t ignoring Bill either. His t-shirt looked airbrushed to his skin, it was so tight-fitting, and he gave me breathtaking smiles and made sure to touch me constantly, rubbing little circles on the back of my hand and leaning in to whisper closely because of the overwhelming din of the bar. Needless to say, it did amazing things to my….um….hoochie.

The band started playing some killer blues tune, and Eric’s eyes widened with sudden inspiration…

“I think our new friend should show us her moves on the dance floor.” his grin widened as my eyes became big as saucers. “We have a swing contest and sometimes a Limbo pole is set up, but only if I’m drunk enough..”

I’m not the best dancer in the world, in fact, I’ve been compared to a palsy victim trying to tie their shoes while trying to cross the street. 

“No no no…not a good idea, I’ll embarrass you.”….I sputtered, but obviously my denials of my ability to perform coordinated spasmodic behavior fell on deaf ears. 

Both Bill and Eric dragged me to the dance floor, my sandals squeaking from the friction, and I found myself being swung from one twin to the next, which earned me Death Glares from just about every female in the bar. 

I wondered if there was a price on my head yet, and who’d be brave enough to try and collect it.

As the music increased in tempo and volume, Eric and Bill started moving in closer, their arms linking around me, effectively caging me between them as their bodies closed in. I have to admit it was a heady feeling, being surrounded on both sides by Premium male flesh in it’s prime, and I was in the mood to be less inhibited than usual. 

Yeah, a telepathic part-Fairy Vampire/Shifter/Were-dating barmaid. Like I need to be less inhibited. Oh sure. 

The music pounded in my ears and the combined influence of alcohol, raging hormones, and the over-abundance of Testosterone anchored me in the middle of a deliciously sensual experience of having two straight, gorgeous males of the HUMAN persuasion (for a change) inspire my descent into what can only be called as……Things That Will Come Back To Haunt You Later-ness. 

As I was being slowly baked between these two incredibly hot luscious men, I wondered if Viking Eric had put my face on a milk carton yet. 

There should be a limit to human endurance when it comes to the opposite sex. If I’d been alone with these two at this very moment, all those warnings my grandmother had given me about earning a ‘bad reputation’ would have been shredded to ribbons. Unfortunately I was in a very public bar, and would have to bide my time.. Besides, I’d NEVER give it up to 2 guys on the first ‘date’ anyway, right? 

After all, I’m a lady. 

If my old Bill only knew the Monster he’d created when he introduced me to the more carnal pleasures…he’d die…again. 

But that didn’t stop me from enjoying myself tremendously. I complimented Eric and Bill on their bar and clientele and watched as they preened at the comments. Why they were making such a special effort with me, was still a mystery, but I figured I’d be here, what, 3 days? What difference did it make? 

What happens in St Barths, stays in St. Barths, right?

I was hoping something would happen pretty soon, what with me and the Vamps being on the outs, and not seeing either Quinn or Alcide anymore, I was beginning to look like the Poster Girl for Self Abuse.

Eric’s hands began to slip lower down my sides while we danced, he leaned closer to me and whispered something completely unintelligible in my ear, and I just nodded in agreement. I hoped I just didn’t agree to buy 24 magazine subscriptions or anything.

Bill was behind me keeping busy by running his fingers lightly down my arms,. His warm (YES WARM !) tongue did fabulous things to my ear while he murmured something vaguely familiar about room keys or something…I dunno..I wasn’t really paying attention..

It was way past midnight by now, and apparently that’s when all the crazy stuff started happening around here. One of the girl bartenders got up on the bar and did a little ‘step-dance’ ala Coyote Ugly.  
It looked really cute, what with the guys hooting and hollering and her getting to throw cold beer on them. Looked like fun.

Wait. No, no NO I’m NOT getting up there !! Shit shit shit !!

The next thing I knew, I was being pushed up onto the bar by both Eric and Bill, who were applauding enthusiastically, encouraging me to dance with the barkeep girl, whatever her name was..

Someone threw down a twenty dollar bill and the barkeep girl and I just looked at each other. It just couldn’t be that easy. I took my cue from her, considering I was stuck up there, and reminded myself I’d done much worse in Jackson, in front of a whole room full of Werewolves and Vampires. On a full moon even. This was bound to be a piece of cake compared to that night. I was past caring at this point.

She draped her arm across my shoulders and stage-whispered into my ear something about a ‘Rockette’s kick’…

AH, I got it…and we did a series of synchronized high-kicks down and across the bar, all the while watching money being tossed our way onto the wooden bar-top.

If Sam had done this at Merlotte's, I bet we’d never have had one lick of trouble in that place. I made a mental note to suggest it to him, if he ever spoke to me again, that is..

I totally didn’t pay attention to the fact that the girl barkeep had on jeans and boots and I had on a little slip dress with a white thong on underneath..

Oh well. Too late now. Maybe that’s why the pile of money being thrown my way was so much bigger…go figure. 

The music changed tempo and someone handed me another Mai-Tai, it was Bill, ever the gentleman…and the girl barkeep (what WAS her name?) whispered something else I couldn’t quite catch, but indicated to me that I should follow her lead..

Since the beat and tone of the song had gotten slow and sultry, apparently our ‘act’ had to accommodate it..

We turned towards each other, running our hands down each other’s arms, gyrating slowly, looking out at the crowd with artificial pouts. Eric was grinning from ear to ear and Bill looked like a stroke victim. 

I turned my back to her and she ran her hand up to my neck, then pulled my long hair back and placed a kiss on my shoulder, amidst cheers from the patrons, women included. We gyrated down towards the bar-top, perfectly in sync, and back up, all the while little smoochies were being applied to my neck and back..

When we turned around to replicate the movement on her behalf, I thought the men would explode…..especially since the front of my dress had gotten caught up in her belt and was completely riding up with her jeans as she stood back up. Essentially I was bare-assed in front of dozens of strangers and had absolutely no fucking clue. Or cared, for that matter, considering how much money was being thrown our way. 

I’d never seen this kind of cash on the busiest night at Merlotte's. There had to be at least three hundred dollars on the counter. The other bartender scooped it up and deposited it in a jar for us..

Our performance was a hit, to say the least, especially since about 2 minutes later, while we were doing a tandem Breast Grope-a-Thon…(it seemed like a good idea at the time) a policeman came into the bar, and spoke with Bill and Eric, and he was torn between staring for all he was worth, or laughing. 

He motioned me to step down, of course I ignored him. I just couldn’t understand why he was killing my great buzz and preventing me from making a few bucks in the process. I was afraid that there was going to be a riot, the crowd definitely did NOT want us to stop. I wondered what the food was like in a St. Bart’s jail. 

The cop was distracted for a minute with something Eric had said, and I took the opportunity to pull my dress up and unsnap the strapless bra, (front clasp of course) then proceeded to toss it at the cop’s back. There was pandemonium. I admit I would have looked better with a fresh tan, but I was happy with the response, over all..

The cop, not actually having seen me do anything, was confused as to why there was a white lace strapless bra hanging over his shoulder. I shrugged. He gave me an exasperated look and motioned me to come down. I pouted hugely. 

Amidst boos and hisses, I departed the wooden splendor of my stage and was handed a wad of cash for my trouble. My partner in crime whispered that she’d perform with me anyplace, anytime, in public or private. Well wasn’t that generous of her? I grinned. Wow, folks were sure friendly around here…

Both Eric and Bill were ecstatic that I’d gotten such a good reception from the regular bar patrons, and that I’d made some cash in the bargain. Of course their enthusiasm might have had something to do with the fact that I’d practically stripped naked in their club. 

“Ok, that’s it, you’re hired.” Eric’s leer was threatening to take over the whole room. I fully expected to see fangs run out.

“Nope, sorry, one time thing, you know, spirit of the moment and all that ..”  
Bill was speechless…he was looking at me as if he’d seen the Second Coming..(no jokes, come on, what are you, twelve?) 

He picked up my hand and his soft lips lingered over it…

“Beautiful, you’re simply beautiful…” and gave it a tender kiss. His gaze followed me like a puppy’s as I scooted back down to our table, still a little put out because I had to cut my performance short. 

I was deluged with several offers for drinks, one for a night on a yacht with some very distinguished looking older man, a bachelor party that paid a thousand bucks, and some dubious offer for a ‘swinger party’, whatever that was, as long as I included my dance partner and the two men sitting with me at the table.

I had to pass. I don’t much like playground equipment since I fell off the Teeter-Totter because Jamie Bob Hurtz jumped off when I was on the High end. I just never got over it. We were 20 at the time.

I propped myself up on my elbows on the table. I was in a great mood, I was already $280 richer than when I showed up, had a killer buzz and I had two hot guys at my table. All I needed was a night of raucous sex and I’d be ship-shape-shifter? Uhhh… Where did that come from?

Apparently my old bar was channeling itself via Sam Merlotte. I bet my old cell phone had melted by now from him sending the constant stream of ions burning through it. I felt guilty for about a half a second. Naw, it passed.

“So what else is there to do around here besides dance on bars and get propositioned by rich old guys with yachts?” I grinned.  
Bill chuckled..  
“Um, sex, shopping, swimming, sex, you get the idea.”  
Eric nodded…lost in thought as his gaze drifted towards my breasts again. Some things just never change.  
“Well that sound like fun to me…”  
Both Eric and Bill perked up.

“I’m sure we can arrange something to amuse you tomorrow, how about an afternoon on the beach and then a bonfire?”  
Eric was very pleased with himself. Big surprise.

“Don’t you have to work?” I asked.

“The bar doesn’t really get hopping til late and I have people that take care of that kind of thing..” He waved an imperious hand. “May we pick you up at noon?”

Bill was still clinging to my hand as if I would float away if he’d let go.

Déjà vu. 

Eric smiled as he looked over at Bill, then at me. “Bill seems to be quite taken with you. I hope you don’t plan to break his heart..”

“Oh poor baby…” I whispered, stroking the back of Bills hand..” I would never do anything like that..” causing Bill’s lower lip to slightly quiver. I gave him one of my sexiest pouts. 

Eric leaned towards us both.. ”Or my heart, for that matter..” giving me a long searching look. Oh boy. Two for the price of one. I’ve always been a sucker for a good bargain…(Stop that this instant.)

The guys made sure that I made it back to my room without being abducted and sold into a white slavery ring, and each of them kissed me on the cheek goodnight.

Bill lingered on my doorstep.. “You know, it gets really chilly at night here, maybe we could stick around and help keep you warm..” His fingers rubbed mine…  
Eric leaned against the door on the other side.. “Yes, very chilly, sub-zero kind of weather, I don’t know if you’d survive it without us.” He grinned a very self-satisfied grin. 

What a waste of premium man-flesh but I was just too tired and figured I had 2 more days to even out the score. I was looking forward to figuring out which twin was which without their clothes on.

I leaned over and kissed both of them lightly on the lips, then smiled as I whispered..,  
“You have both been so sweet to me tonight, in spite of my bad mood earlier..…” I moved a little closer to them…and looked up shyly as I slid each of my hands up their respective and obvious bulges.  
Bill whimpered. Eric gasped. Precisely the response I was looking for. I gave myself a 10. 

“But I’m worn out, so if you let me get some sleep tonight, I promise that these guys,” I squeezed each of them for emphasis….“will have some personal attention from me..” 

Then I stepped back and shut the door. I hoped they’d be able to walk through the lobby. 

I collapsed into bed, hoping that the spinning sensation I was experiencing was really the room revolving, because I didn’t think I could handle the thought of crawling on my hands and knees to the toilet. I found that sleeping on ice-cold tile gives me square pattern marks on my face. 

My dreams were filled with thoughts of dark-haired Greek warriors and pale Vampires fighting each other for my favor, (among other things) and I was in the mood for all of them to win. Something better break loose soon or I was going to start dry-humping the room service guys. 

I dreamt my new ‘S’ word was Succubus. *snort*

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sookie finds her Inner Goddess and puts the men in her life back in their place where they belong once and for all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Charlaine Harris is a brilliant woman and I hope she doesn't put a hit out on me if she ever reads this next chapter.
> 
> The 'S' Word
> 
> WARNING, ADULT SITUATIONS, RUN AWAY, MATURE RATINGS.
> 
> CHAPTER 4
> 
> xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Morning arrived like an announcement from Hell, I had no idea the windows in my room were directly facing East. At 5am the sun hit me in the face like God’s flashlight and I almost clawed my own eyes out to keep the light from burning into my throbbing brain.

I tried to get back to sleep but my body was thrumming with the knowledge that Today It Would Get Some, so I had to make the best of it and get the hell out of bed.

I finally decided to check my messages at home, once the bell ringing in my head allowed me to hear. I punched in the annoyingly loud numbers on the disposable cell. 

If my hangover was any bigger, I’d have to get it a room all to itself. 

The test of how popular you are is in the amount of messages on the machine you get when you're out of town. Normally I don’t get jack, but for some reason, I guess the Supes in my life have decided to press their causes even more than usual. Damn clingy vampires.

Holy Mother of Pearl,37 calls, 27 hang-ups and 10 messages. 

*Beeeeeeeep* You have 10 messages. Message One*

Eric: "Ok, lover, you've made your point, you can run all you want to, but we're going to have this talk sooner or later. Call me back, I mean it. "

*Message Two*  
Eric: "I am sorry if I seemed stern just then, but I am not used to not knowing where you are. Call me back, please. "

*Message Three*  
Eric: "If you want to talk to me, you know where I am. I just think it's incredibly rude to not at least return my text messages and phone calls. Why is your cell not working?"

*Message Four*  
Bill: "Sam said you were out of town, why would you tell him where you were going but not me? Am I dog shit now? I wish you'd.." beeeep.”

*Message Five*  
Bill: "Your fucking machine cut me off. Does Eric know where you are? Why would he know? Stop torturing me !! "

*Message Six*  
Pam: "I've never laughed so hard in my life. Eric has actually started biting his nails again, and Bill has called him every 5 minutes. I'm going to buy you a mink when you get back".

*Message Seven*  
Eric: "Lover, you MUST call me back, it's important, yes, important, it's about a ... well. just call me back, godammit. "

*Message Eight*  
Bill: "Sam is saying he knows EXACTLY who you're with. If you don't call me back.. I'll..I'll.. do myself an injury".

*Message Nine*  
Visa credit card services: "Miss Stackhouse, I got a request to check on your credit card from some place called Fangtasia? But of course we must verify what it's for, please contact their office...*muffled* "Shhhh... she'll hear you".

*Message Ten*  
Sam: "Sookie, when you get this message, can you call me? Those Vamps of yours are driving me nuts. Bill actually threatened to shave my fur off at the next full moon if I didn't tell him who you were with. I hope YOU'RE having a good time, Christ." 

Good Lord, you'd have thought I was Henry Kissinger with all the messages on my answering machine. Thank Moses I threw away my old cell phone, it probably would have never stopped ringing. And it appeared as if Sam was taking advantage of his meager knowledge of my whereabouts to stick it to a couple Vamps I knew. 

Good for him, I snickered.

After I stopped laughing, I had to admit, I was flattered that they might go postal at the idea of my being out of touch. HA!

If they only knew what I’d had in mind. Maybe I should bring my old Polaroid. I was sure here was a computer here at the hotel where I could email the pics to them. 

I found that the hotel had an early Yoga class, and figured I was going to need the extra flexibility pretty soon, so I showered and dragged myself down to the exercise room. 

Whoever invented Yoga was a sadist. Pure and simple. I’m sure that if I’d had a long program of it and was used to the strain and ripping tendons and contortions, that I’d get used to it, but I’d just as soon stab myself with rusty knitting needles than go through that again. 

Although I have to admit, it did seem to loosen me up some. Maybe it wasn’t a total waste of time. I’d find out soon enough.

After a hearty breakfast I moseyed back down to my room off the beach and primped, waiting for noon to arrive. 

I pampered myself mercilessly, and had the foresight to visit the spa and partake of a specialty of the house for sun-worshippers. They called it a Brazilian bikini wax. It left you um…totally ‘groomed’…as in completely bare.

I felt like the human embodiment of Venus. 

All I knew was that a couple of very lovely men were going to get to visit it very soon. I was looking forward to an enthusiastic review. 

I threw on a white and red polka-dot bikini and a white cover-up and packed a couple of extra bikinis and some sunblock..( I wondered if they made a sunblock for Eric that was strong enough for him to stand the sunlight…maybe a SPF 287 or something?) I remembered to pack a hat. 

My Gran always said that freckles on a girls skin were not flattering, but I have one vice..(Oh, OK, if you’re going to get technical, 4) and it was tanning, and that was because you didn’t have to be 21, have a drivers license, pay taxes on it or get your mom’s permission to wear it. And it didn’t make you throw up later or cause pregnancies. It was a cheap vice, all in all. A little coconut oil and I was good to go.

When we were still dating, Bill had complained once about looking so pale in comparison to me, when we were out in public together, so I talked him using some of that Loreal Sunless Tan stuff that you just smooth on. I figured it couldn’t permanently alter his skin tone and he’d look less pasty in the harsh fluorescent lights of nighttime establishments. 

Well you can imagine how that went over. He’d of course used WAY too much and forgot that when you smooth it on, you have to make sure your hands get ‘sealed’ in hand lotion before touching the stuff.

When he’d come out of the bathroom, he looked like a walking Dayglo Orange Gumbi with bright orange palms and I had to stuff my knuckles in my mouth to avoid getting hysterical with laughter. The look on his face was priceless. Where are those damn digital cameras when your really need them? 

Needless to say, he didn’t want to go out in public until it wore off, but Eric had summoned him to Fangtasia that night and he’d had to make an appearance. I would have cheerfully killed someone to see Eric and Pam’s faces that night.

I don’t know what really happened, but Bill wouldn’t leave the house for about a week, until it started flaking off.

Then he looked like he’d been covered in tons of orange freckles, and he’d given me lots of shitty looks too.. I chuckled at the memory. Ah. Good times. 

==================================================================================================

I sat down on the bed, and had to give myself a mental shake. I already knew what it was I wanted to do today, and it wasn’t shopping, and I sure wasn’t worried about being perceived as slutty, after all, I’d already given them a firm handshake last night and that pretty much determined the agenda for today. 

For me anyway, I’m sure the guys wouldn’t mind indulging me, after all, it was the ‘second’ date, now, right?

I figured it was just about time for me to Make My Move.

At least I was dressed for it, sort of. I grinned. 

When Bill and Eric showed up, looking even better in the daylight than when I’d seen them last night, I was in a much happier mood than when I woke up. They looked ‘happy’ too, in a different way. Oh boy.

Their eyes were the most gorgeous green I’d ever seen and little red highlights sparkled in their dark hair. They both had on white deck shorts and red Nike tank tops. 

I knew instantly why these two were the hottest tickets on the Island.  
Oddly enough, I could tell which one was which. I think the one with the big ego was easiest to spot. 

Eric moved close and pulled me gently towards him, giving me a light kiss, which I returned with gusto.  
“Good morning, how’s your hangover, I know you have one, I sure did..” he murmured into my mouth… I smirked. 

Bill rolled his eyes, but kissed me as well, first on the hand, then on my neck…”Mmmm coconut oil, you smell good enough to eat..” 

“Promises, promises…” I giggled, then pulled them both through the door and slammed it.

“And to answer your question, my hangover has mysteriously disappeared now that you’re both here.”..

Eric started nibbling on my shoulder, while his fingers made a detour to my hairline and lifted my hair off my neck, and whispered.. 

“Bill had a terrible hangover this morning…right Bill? He’s such a lightweight.”..

Bill mumbled against my other ear, as his hand cupped my bottom..

“Yeah, I ran out of aspirin, so I had to go buy some…”

“Oh bless your heart, did you find any?” I whispered breathlessly. Is it getting hot in here or is it just them?

Bill chuckled..: “Naw, the drugstore had a sign up saying they were closed for Timothy Leary’s birthday, so I guess this will just have to do....”

I laughed and pulled apart from them just long enough to cross the room to pick up my coconut oil, of course I displayed my sexiest pout.

“I really need help putting on some more of this suntan oil, can you two assist me?” 

Now don’t laugh. I read it in a Penthouse magazine I’d found in my brothers bathroom one day. Hey it worked. 

I don’t think I have to tell you I had two very enthusiastic volunteers.

As if they’d had one mind between them, the boys surrounded me and they each dripped oil into their hands… 

Eric grinned.. “Where would you like it?” Ah, what a loaded question..

“Where it will do the most good, of course..” I giggled..

Bill kissed my neck and whispered “I live to serve, my lady” and stepped behind me, then ran his now-oiled hands up my back and pulled open my bikini tie, letting it drop to the floor, reaching around to cup my breasts, massaging them to a glassy shine and hardening my nipples to diamond points while nuzzling my neck.

I certainly didn’t want Eric to feel left out, so while he was giving me a very vocal tonsil massage, I took his slippery right hand and slid it down my stomach, to the edge of my bikini bottom, then pushed his fingers underneath, all the way down until they were inside. Eric’s eyes snapped open and he gasped… “Oh my God..” 

The oil felt amazing on me, I squealed, then I covered one of Bill’s hands over my breast as I covered Erics’ under the bikini bottom and forced a rhythm I knew would work for me. Eric made short work of the bikini bottom string on one side and pulled it away completely. I was now being massaged and probed in a most delightful way, and I didn’t have to worry about fang marks, either. It was a win-win situation. 

The boys vocalized their appreciation for my charms and my free spirit by whimpering.  
Translation: They liked the Brazilian and my slutty nature. 

The shirts came off next, followed by some rather awkward shucking of the shorts, good thing they were both going commando today, I’d get to finally find out if what Eric was advertising last night was truth or fiction, and if it had a clone. I quickly noticed that Eric had a big ‘E’ tattooed on his right hip. 

“Is that how people used to tell you apart?” I panted while being licked everywhere.  
Bill motioned towards his hip as well, I just had to ask, “Does yours say ‘B’ ?”  
His breath shuddered as he replied.. “No, actually it says ‘Denise’ but it has the same result..”

We slithered onto the bed, it was tricky given the amount of coconut oil on me, and the boys were soon covered in it as well and the resulting writhing between the three of us, escalated into Eric pulling me roughly on top of him, and wrapping his arms around me tightly, pulling my face to his.. 

“You’re incredible…I dreamt of this all night..”

I was soon feeling the result of his response digging into my hip and made a shift so that it was more accommodating to the both of us.. and I have to say, my opinion of Eric’s tackle was highly underestimated. Gawd. 

The resulting groan could have set off a Richter scale and Bill, whispering my name over and over, and ever the resourceful one, found his own niche to explore behind me, and just as deeply, with a matching outcry. 

Now normally that might not be an activity one would expect of a genteel Southern girl, but having been introduced to that little practice at the mercy of one Bill Compton, who, with malice of forethought, made damn sure I was good and hammered ahead of time. Probably just as well, considering it would have been the only way I would have attempted that little maneuver. It had soon become part of our repertoire (and one of Bill’s favorites) in the bedroom on our more ‘adventurous’ nights. Which meant pretty much all the time.

Well I never said I was a saint. 

Coconut oil friction is a thing of beauty and for a split second I felt totally at home with the cosmos. It’s funny how being plundered by two men at once will give you a new perspective.

I should write a self-help book and give women advice on how to make themselves feel empowered, by doing three-ways. I’d never get out of jail.

We developed a rhythm (these guys had practiced ALOT) agreeable to all of us, and I was being swept away on a wave of sensation I’d never experienced before. Bill and Eric were attentive lovers and they made sure I was stroked, pounded, suckled and kissed within an inch of my life.  
Our motions escalated to a crazed kind of bliss, and we clung to each other for dear life as we were carried on that pressure Tsunami that bore up from inside our loins and exploded into the Universe. I’m sure the resulting screams were heard all the way into the lobby. I fully expected the Hotel cops to show up with a firehose. 

We split and collapsed apart, breathless and annihilated. I had no idea that sex with mere humans could be so fabulous. (boy did THAT sound weird or what?)

The panting part was what did it. That and their body heat. Vamps don’t have either. It’s like having prime rib with no A-1 sauce or horseradish. It’s good, but it’s missing something. 

Eric wheezed. “Well that hit the spot..” and chuckled. 

In an eerily familiar move, Bill kissed my shoulder and ran his fingers over my stomach. “You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen..” 

I tried to lift my head but I felt it was a lost cause. Instead I just punched Eric’s arm. Ah, now that made me feel more at home.

“Ow, what was that for?” he pouted..  
“It’s a love tap..” I curled up around Bill and Eric curled up around me..  
“Give me 10 minutes and I’ll be ready again…” Eric smirked against my skin..  
“Brag, brag, brag…” murmured Bill.

“Actually, all this oil is making me feel too sticky, how about we pick this up later, right now I feel like I should be battered and deep fried and set out on some lettuce”..I giggled. 

“Deal” they said simultaneously

After a quick shower, which was tricky considering the amount of leftover coconut oil on all of us, we managed to dress and pick up from where we were derailed.

“So where’re we going today?” 

I was so cheery I positively vibrated.  
Bill took my arm and draped it through his while Eric picked up my bag and looped through my other arm..

“It’s a surprise, follow me..” 

Ten minutes later, we were walking on the beach and all I could think of was how nice and warm the sand was, and how the sun was glorious and water so blue…then Bill and Eric led me over to a dock, where there was a small schooner bobbing about in the surf. 

“We’re taking you for a ride around the bay, then to a small private island for a dinner party, is that acceptable?” Eric was positively bouncing with anticipation. 

“Cool, I could really learn to like this…” and was summarily escorted aboard.

It was really eye-opening, watching the two men work the sails and the ropes…I knew that Eric was the ‘boss’ at the bar, but here on this boat, Bill was the Man In Charge. He obviously had a feel for the ocean and how the boat worked, and was barking orders to Eric that were never even questioned. It was as if both men worked as a flawless team with one another without any apparent conflict. That and they looked so incredibly gorgeous, with their muscles straining and their long tan legs and Oh Lordy, I’m in for it again. 

I’m not a huge fan of boats, being as how something bad always manages to happen when I set foot on one. I went fishing with my brother Jason and Hoyt one Sunday morning, instead of going to church, and the boat capsized because both men decided to pee off the same side at the same time, and Hoyt being so much bigger than me, tilted the boat over with me in it.

I wasn’t so much mad at that, but the idea of swimming around in water they’d both just peed in, really churned my butter. I still blame not going to church for the reason we’d had such a stupid accident. I hoped this was a Saturday.

Twenty minutes later, and a couple of passes across the bay and I had no more qualms about the trip. I could tell the guys knew what the hell they were doing a whole lot more than I did. Their level of concentration was staggering, then they’d each look at me and the sparkle in their eyes would just light me up.

Ah, this was the life. It was Heaven, just the sun and wind on our skin. All my senses heightened. The only other time I’d felt this way was when I’d gotten vampire blood. Who knew all I really needed was a tropical climate, some Champers and a couple of Greek gods to fill my every desire. No politics, no assassination attempts, no crazy ex-girlfriends…Oh, well, maybe those might show up. 

I knew I could really just give it all up in Bon Temps, and move down here. The climate and humidity, high water table and weather, weren’t conducive for Vampires and I’m sure Shifters had a rough time of it as well. The thought of those poor werewolves with all that sand in their fur made me giggle.

We’d ended up basking on a blanket on deck, our limbs tangled together, after dropping anchor close to a private island, and having had a huge lobster lunch at one of the bay’s restaurants.

I still hadn’t figured out why I couldn’t hear Bill and Eric’s thoughts. 

“Are we close to the Bermuda Triangle?” I murmured, being gently rocked between Eric and Bill.

Eric snorted.. “You know, if you’re asking about the Triangle, then Bill and I haven’t done our jobs very well...” he rolled back towards me, and began to nibble on my plump breast, my fingers played idly in his dark, silky hair.. God that hair.

“No, I really want to know. You see, I can tell you both can sort of.. read each other, as in tell what each of you are thinking, but I can’t do that..”  
Bill leaned up onto his elbow. “Yeah, we sort of have that kind of link, but why on earth would you think you should be able to do that?”

“Because back home, I could read minds. People’s thoughts just jumped out at me, and here…nothing. It’s weird, that’s all.”

Eric chuckled.. “So you’re telling us you’re telepathic ? I knew you hit your head way too hard on that table in the lobby. ”

“Well yeah, I am, just not here. Is there some kind of weird Radar or something around here?” I apparently couldn’t get a clue and just let it go.

I was also starting to feel a tad insecure, the first time I was with normal men under normal (well normal for me) circumstances and I was telling them the very thing that always ran men off. I was an idiot.

Bill spoke in a slow distracted voice as he explored my other breast, “Well the closest radar is in Puerto Rico, it’s the big Dish they call ‘El Radar’, but it’s used mostly for deep space exploration or something. I saw it in that movie ‘Contact’.”

Eric stopped licking my nipple long enough to look up and asked. 

“Could you read my mind when I first met you on the beach?”  
“Nope, not a thing, zilch.”  
“Good”..  
I looked at him and he just smiled a sheepish grin.

“Wait, maybe it’s the Zone.” Bill opened one squinted eye..  
“The Zone?”..  
“Yeah, there’s a flux in the electromagnetic field around here someplace, the sailors all say it sort of just moves around. It really plays Hell with the GPS and navigation screens on occasion.”

That was it.

I knew what made me read minds now, because I found out what made me NOT read them. It was the electromagnetic field of the earth, and I bet if I were to sit on one of those ‘Ley-Lines’, I’d be in for a big surprise.  
Whatever it was, I wasn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth. If I’d wanted a normal kind of existence without being pestered by the Supes and being coerced into working for despicable creatures, then this would be the place for me to hide out.

I doubt even Bill would follow me down here.

But things are never just that simple. I had to finally deal with my problems when I got back home, I couldn’t expect to find resolutions until I dredged through the muck of my dysfunctional relationships.

Until then I vowed to at least enjoy myself, I had the company of two very accommodating men and the sun and sea. That’s why I could never be a Vampire.  
Eric had asked me once about letting him ‘turn’ me, but I told him I’d rather watch a Hee-Haw marathon than become a Vamp. I explained patiently that I’d never be able to keep my tan, and that was the end of that subject. 

Later on that evening, we’d come ashore after spending a thrilling time getting even better acquainted, thanks to some more Champagne and loveplay, and I was glowing from the experience. 

The boat was tied up and we’d found a secluded beach, hidden from all but ourselves, and built a raging bonfire to light up the night.  
The Moon overhead was almost full, and from this latitude it looked as if it filled a quarter of the sky, a ‘pregnant’ Moon, some would say. The kind of Moon used to celebrate fertility rites.  
Well, we celebrated our own version of those rites, and it was magical, mysterious and musical.  
We sang and chanted to each other, Eric and Bill were visions of the Gods to me, their tanned skin and bright eyes sparkling in the firelight as they followed me, whirling around the blazing fire like Pagan worshippers on the Solstice and howling at the moon. 

The firelight’s dancing light and shadow patterns seemed to cover us with ancient symbols, designs and images that only made sense during the context of the dance itself. They moved across us and seemed to spell out answers to questions I hadn’t asked yet but here they were. 

The dance stared slowly, our hands beckoning upwards to the stars overhead and the glorious Moon, the fire raising sparks to the wind to carry our worship to heaven itself. I could hear the throbbing bass of the surf and wind, and my mind and spirit were taken away to another realm of existence.

We twirled faster and faster, listening to the sounds of the fire and the surf and the wind, and it was primal and powerful, and they caressed me, kissed me and surrounded me and lifted me in supplication to the Moon, and carried me to the sand and we fell to the blanket and consummated our own fertility to the Higher Spirits, with a passion and power that approached a spiritual frenzy, and we were one with the Sea and Wind and Moon.

I imagined this is how the first religions must have started..

Alcohol, bonfires and nudity. Not necessarily in that order.

Yup that would do it. 

When I awoke the next morning, I was snuggled deep under the covers with Eric and Bill on either side of me. I didn’t recognize the room, so I just assumed I was at their house on the beach. I wasn’t exactly sure how I’d gotten there, but I remembered dancing naked with my two new boyfriends, and the resultant initiation into the Island’s Love Goddess cult. 

Hey, I’d join any cult that handed me a couple of gorgeous priests like these to do my bidding. Oh boy.

Eric was the first one to wake up, he cuddled against my back and left a trail of kisses down my suntanned shoulder.

“Morning, how did you sleep? I slept like the dead..”

I grumbled and pulled his arm closer around me as Bill moved a bit on my left. Bill turned back around towards me to kiss my shoulder.. 

“Is he talking? Why is he talking?” He draped his left arm across me, then his fingers started blazing a trail towards Brazil. I started purring. 

“Is he one of those Morning People I keep hearing about?”  
“I’m afraid so..”  
“Can’t we just kill him then? My head is splitting from that champagne last night..”  
“Nope, sorry, I have the keys to the car,” Eric chuckled, and snuggled closer.

“Damn”. 

After the boys had both gotten lovingly reunited with Brazil, we lay in a stupor of exhaustion and afterglow, THEN they decided they wanted to Talk.

Eric cleared his throat.

“Listen, Bill and I were discussing something last night…and “  
“When last night?”  
“Doesn’t matter, anyway, we’ve thought it over, and the only logical thing for you to do now, is to just stay here and live with us. So we’ll just send for all your things, and well, we’ll all three live together.” He grinned.  
“Um…what if I can’t do that?” Geez what is it with men and their agendas?  
“Well, I just don’t see why not, I mean, we both love you and ..”  
“You both what?”  
“We love you.” Bill nodded.  
“But you just met me.” I was stunned.  
“We know what we want.” Eric ran his hands tenderly up my arms, then grinned with confidence.  
“But I have a job and everything..”  
“We can get you a job here, doing anything you want..” Eric was way too happy first thing in the morning..  
“But..but..” I was really having a hard time coming up with reasons to not do as they asked. Maybe that’s why I didn’t want to. Damn my stubbornness.

Bill elaborated.. “See the problem is, neither Eric nor I date exclusively, since my painful divorce, and Eric usually tries to steal any girl I go after anyway, so..”

Eric looked smug.

“We figured, since you liked both of us and had no problem being shared between us, that it was the answer to our dilemma. We’ve never had anyone who’d be that open-minded who was actually someone we could love, so we chose you. I know it’s unconventional, but then so are we..” He pulled a puppy-dog eyed look on me. I was a goner. 

Eric continued:  
“Look, we’ve really thought it out, Bill and I live together anyway, and It’s a 3 bedroom house, so you can have your room, Bill and I each have our own, and we could sort of…set up a schedule. You know, to spend time alone with one or both of us. I don’t know about you, but I think It’s a brilliant idea.” To prove it, he flashed a brilliant white smile.

It WAS a brilliant idea. Only it was an idea for me to implement with MY Bill and Eric, minus the living together part, of course. That would never do. I couldn’t have them both seeing me in my ratty bathrobe around the house.

This just might work. 

If they didn’t kill me first. 

It was the answer to my problems. After all, there was NO law that said you couldn’t love two men….or…four…whatever.

I could have BOTH Eric and Bill, and Um….Bill and Eric. I mentally patted myself on the back.

“You are both so beautiful and sweet, but the issue is, I’m only here for 3 days, I go back home tomorrow, and to work, and my life there. I have a house and all that, as much as I love the idea, and boy do I love the idea, I just can’t stay on such short notice. .” 

I managed to look crestfallen.

I felt like such a heartless bitch, I could tell their faces were starting to lose their cheerfulness.

“Sookie, don’t you love us at all?” Bill gazed down lovingly at my face and ran his fingers through my hair..

“Yes, Bill, I believe I do love both of you…but it’s only been 2 days, it’s an awful lot to take in, and what if one of you meets a girl you want to spend time with? How will that work, I mean there’s tons of gorgeous girls on the Island and..” I was second-guessing myself again.

Bill stroked my face.. “There’s no on like you, Sookie. We’re serious about this, but if you need time, we can wait..”

Eric had the answer…  
“Look, ok, I can see how you might think it’s a bit much to digest right now, so how about this…we’ll give you some time after you get home to think about it. Will that work for you?”

“You betcha”. I had a job at a Travel agency, I could come down here on the cheap any time, hopefully without the Vamps finding out. I was home free.

So that was it. 

The rest of the day, they took me sightseeing, shopping and other yummy things. Of course they tried to get me to change my mind, and in the middle of a delicious dessert that was being lovingly licked from my tanned midsection, I almost relented. Almost. 

But I had a lot to think about before I could make such a huge decision. I had to give my two Vamps a chance to redeem themselves. If neither one would toe the line, then I had a new address all picked out. Boy wouldn’t they have a fit?

I knew Eric’s damned Blood bond didn’t reach all the way down here, because I couldn’t feel him, so I know he couldn’t feel ME.

Well that’s certainly handy. I can just imagine what would have happened if he’d been able to tell what I was up to. I’d have to check into the Witness Protection Program for Supes. 

After I bade my new men a tearful Goodbye at the airport the next day, and promised them that I’d seriously consider a permanent relocation, I’d had plenty of time on the plane to think. 

My flight attendant, (guess who) gave me a gin and tonic on the house. It was a sign. Life was good. 

I figured out that if both of these incredibly hot men could treat me like the Goddess they thought I was, then dammit, so should the other men in my life. I can do without them if I have to, so I figured if they wanted me to be in their lives, or deaths, or whatever, they’d just have to do as I told them. There. Done. I grinned. 

Hey! My new “S” word just became SuperSookie !  
Whatever..

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sookie finds her inner Goddess and puts the men in her life, back in their place, once and for all. *takes place after book 8*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope to God Charlaine never reads this chapter. I’d be in a heap of trouble. The usual disclaimer, not mine, don’t sue, yada yada.
> 
> WARNING, ADULT CHAPTER, MATURE RATING, NO UNDERAGE READERS. I mean it. I know who you are and I'm telling.
> 
> CHAPTER 5 
> 
> \------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I had a mission. It was sort of a selfish mission, but the Vamps in my life had been pretty selfish where I was concerned for a quite a while, so I figured I might as well exact a little payback.

My revelations on the Island about the true natures of Eric and Bill set me directly on the path to Bill Compton's house, across the cemetery from my own. 

It was just about dusk, I'd waited until then, knowing full well that he'd be up and snooping around my yard as soon as the sun sank, and I wanted to head him off first. 

I waited patiently on the front porch for the light to completely fade away, carefully stoking the fires of my little agenda. If I were a more vindictive person, I might be adding a mental ‘cackle' accompanied by an overly-dramatic wringing of hands. 

I knew Bill sensed me out here, and I could already imagine his surprise and confusion at the realization that I was camped out on his front porch.

His doors flung open and his vivid blue eyes took in my new tan, and big smile. I don't think he knew whether to be livid at my being there or grateful, conflicting emotions flittered across his pale handsome face too quickly to assess. 

He had on one of those long-sleeved white knit shirts I liked so much, that really accented his muscular arms and chest. Tight aged blue jeans wrapped themselves around his perfect backside. I felt drool slipping from my lower lip.

Say what you will about Bill's actions, but his body was rockin' and I was a walking testimonial for his expertise in the saddle. 

He finally composed himself long enough to get snippy.

"Managed to find your way home, did you?". 

He turned and walked back into the house. I noticed he waited for me to enter before he looked back, a delicious pout forming on his firm lips. I passed on the urge to bite it. 

Instead, I countered with my usual helping of Sarcasm. After all, it is one of my favorite food groups.

"Nice to see you, Sookie, please come in and make yourself at home, how've you been?"  
I sidestepped his petulance with an observation about the state of the house repairs he'd been doing. 

"Wow, this looks great, did you get a new contractor?" My big sunny smile sort of deflated his snit just a tad. 

"Well, no, I needed something to...keep me busy for the past few days". Bill truly needed to lighten up.

The gaze from his deep blue eyes scorched a trail from my mouth to my breasts, which at this point, were threatening to burst free from the little pink sundress I was almost wearing.

“Well I hope you’re proud of yourself, ignoring my phone calls and messages. I spoke with Eric, he says you were running away from me..”

I knew Eric would take advantage of this incident to make Bill nuts.

“Not true, I was just on a weekend day-spa trip and I didn’t feel like I owed anyone any explanations about where I was going. After all, you don’t always share all your plans with me, now, right?”

I could already feel the tension amping up between us, and if Bill had any clue as to what I had in store for him, he'd be smart and just shut the fuck up already. Many an unfortunate man has ruined a good mood simply because they had to flap their gums.

“If you think looking after your welfare is uncalled for, then I apologize, but you make it completely impossible to protect you.”

Bill was obviously more grumpy than usual. 

“I’d had just about enough of both you and Mr. Northman and your possessive natures. I can go where I like, William Thomas Compton, and you need to remember that.” 

I glared at Bill through a red haze. The man could push my buttons like no one else…except maybe Eric.

I was hoping Bill's fine-honed sense of self-preservation would kick in and he'd let me say what I wanted, so that I could get on with my planned agenda. 

"Look Bill, while I was away getting my head together, I came to some conclusions. Some you might like and some you might not, but I'm trying to give you the benefit of the doubt here, and either give us some closure or try to explore if there's anything left of this relationship."

To say Bill was taken aback would be an understatement. He managed to blurt out the obvious of course.

"But.. but you've avoided me for weeks, and you left town and didn't even bother to tell me where you were going or why and with whom...and.. what do you mean by closure?"

“Bill, you can’t seem to make up your mind, I see you actually living with someone else, and then you try to interfere in my life as if you still have the right to tell me who I can be with and who I can’t.  
It’s one way or the other. How do you expect me to take you seriously when you say you still love me when you drag your bitch girlfriend into the bar every other night?”

“I was trying to make you jealous.. and I was lonely..” Bill’s face was a dark thundercloud.

“Well it might have started that way, but you don’t have to sleep with her to make me jealous if I’m not around to see it. So were you giving her a line the same way you did me? And what about when you weren’t around? Did you know Sam had to throw her out of the bar twice because she came in while I was working and insulted me in front of my customers and tried to pick a fight with me?”

Bill’s mouth fell open.. ”I ..I had no idea..”

‘Yeah, well that’s the kind of woman you picked to basically try and give me Hell, so much for her good looks and education. She was stuck-up and arrogant and she thought I was White trash, or didn’t it occur to you after spending so much time with me, that I could read her mind and see what she’d thought of me..?”

Bill had finally seen the truth of things, it had just taken this crisis between us to sort things out. I hadn’t wanted to bad-mouth Selah simply because it just looked like sour grapes, but the woman was a Bitch on Wheels. 

Bill looked so defeated at this point, my heart almost broke for him. 

“I’m so sorry, Sookie, I didn’t know, and I never thought she’d be that disrespectful to you, I apologize. “

I took a step closer to Bill and placed my finger on his lips...willing myself to calm down…

"Just listen, okay? I left town because I was burned out, I've been feeling very under-appreciated lately and stressed and I needed to get some perspective as to what it is I really want. So we can do this the easy way or the hard way.."

Bill's mouth gaped like a fish, he couldn't manage to finish a thought long enough for it to lodge itself in his undead brain.

"Bill, I can either say goodbye to you right now, and finish this once and for all, or we can see if there's a shred of hope that there's anything worth saving here, your choice."

I knew giving Bill the choice to make himself would not only take me off the hot-seat, but he could feel as if he had a little power as to what actually transpired. Of course he was completely wrong. Stupid Vampires.

"Sookie, if you're serious about this, then yes, I want to try again, I know I did some things that hurt you but I realize now how wrong I was the way handled things. I didn’t trust you enough to tell you the truth about my circumstances. I was afraid you’d misunderstand… "

Bill looked away…

“You shouldn’t have to deal with my problems, and I was trying to avoid getting you in too deep to get out, for your own good..”

My fingers slid up his chest and covered his lips once again. Bill pulled one of his puppy-dog-eyes looks at me and it made it so much easier to pounce. 

"Listen Bill, this is the deal. There have to be some ground rules." I took his hand and pulled him to the staircase that led to the second floor bedrooms. 

"First of all, I'm not saying we're getting back together, I'm just saying I want to see if there's anything left between us that we can cultivate, no matter how it works out later. "

Translation: I want to fuck you senseless but not feel guilty about it afterwards if we are still on the outs. 

"And I'm not saying I won't date other men, I'm not going to be someone else's property any longer and have guys arguing over me like I'm a piece of turf to be fought over. Is that clear?"

Translation: I plan on fucking Eric senseless too, and there's nothing you can do about it.

Bill's eyes narrowed, his normal Vampire sensibilities pre-disposed him to want to exert power over his own domain. 

"Sookie, just get on with what you have to say." He wouldn't budge from the first stairstep.

I pulled him closer..

“You were my first love, my first man, and the idea of having all of those experiences wasted because of pride is just not sitting well with me. I just can’t let that be the last thing I remember about us.”

Bill’s eyes took on a deeper hue, obviously he felt the same way..

But I had to let the other shoe drop…

"Besides.. I have issues to work out with Eric, that damned Blood-bond is keeping us both off balance, and Eric has no desire to see himself humiliated at my expense in front of his other Vamp cronies. I have to figure out how to deal with that, and you're just going to have to be patient with it, because it's not something I chose, and quite frankly, I resent the hell out of it. Does that answer your question?"

Bill's face relaxed a bit and his fingers tightened around mine. 

"Yes, that explains a lot. I wish you'd told me this before you made us all jump through hoops this past week."

"Well, you can all use a little hoop-jumping, in my opinion, once in awhile. It will keep you on your toes. You've been insufferable to be around and testing my patience at every turn. Now do you want to go upstairs or not?"

I gave him my best Crazy Sookie grin.

I had no memory of actually CLIMBING the stairs, but all of a sudden I was in the bedroom that Bill and I used to share when we were still together. It brought back some incredibly vivid memories. 

Good thing that Bill had finally caught on, and if he played his cards right, he'd have a night to gloat over for a very long time. 

Besides, it would be such a waste of Bill's carnal prowess to just kick him to the curb without at least revisiting some of his (and mine) favorite activities to see if there was still any heat there. So far, I'd have to say, the possibilities were positively incendiary. (new word of the day)

“Sookie… I’m sorry for everything bad that’s happened between us… if I could make it up to you… ” Bill’s face grew serious again..

I gave him my most charming smile… “ Bill,… I forgive you…”

I launched myself into Bill's arms, planting blistering kisses on his cool mouth and face as his strong arms crushed me to his chest. I could hear something like little whimpers issuing from somewhere, but frankly had no idea if it was him or me, and didn’t care anyway. 

He fisted his hand in my hair and pulled my head back, slightly, looking at me with those fathomless blue eyes. I knew I'd made the right decision. I'd have hated to miss what was about to happen.

The next thing I knew, he was tasting my tonsils and it was a beautiful thing, and my hands clawed their way up his back to his shoulders.  
I slowly slid them to his chest and quickly yanked his shirt up and over his head, and narrowly avoided ripping it to ribbons. His eyes never left mine, and the firm set of his jaw informed me that he was Dead Serious as he growled hoarsely in that cool voice ..

"Sookie..."

At that point, my pink thong literally exploded off of me, I was hoping I wouldn't run across the shrapnel later. Amidst the flurry of discarded and shredded clothes, we managed to tumble to the bed, and I could tell Bill was in a lather to exert his sexual dominance over me once again. 

However, I had a different plan.

Rolling him onto his back, I pushed him up against the headboard. Of course he protested, but I knew how to placate Mr. Bill Compton.

I'd had tremendous experience in this area and knew all of his favorite quirks in the bedroom, and one in particular that would leave him a shivering puddle of melted marshmallows when I was finished with him. 

"Hold on, honey"... I smirked, as I scanned his beautiful but pale hard body, and straddled him, my lips caressing his neck and collarbone, my heated breath scorching his skin. 

My mouth reached his, my tongue dived between his cool lips, while he clutched me roughly to his chest. I pulled away and up, just long enough to slide my breasts to his face, and he inhaled my left nipple with a groan as his strong fingers pinched and kneaded the other one. 

"The Girls missed you... " I whispered..

"You're so beautiful.." his voice muffled with Sookie-ness.

There's something to be said for a cool and moist, soft tongue giving oral satisfaction, whether it's above or below the Equator, and I was enjoying it so much I almost forgot My Plan.

With a strangled moan, I extricated my breasts and slid farther down his chest, my hot tongue blazing a trail across his pert nipples and fine hairs above his groin. Bill finally figured out what he was in for, and once again fisted his hands in my hair.

I looked up into the piercing Azure of his eyes, and watched his body tremble and shudder and felt power like nothing else on earth.

"Grab onto the headboard, baby, I'm going to take you for a little ride"...

Bill's hands clutched the wooden headboard behind him, his knuckles vivid white against the dark wood, I could see the tendons straining in his arms. His eyes begged me for more.

Bill choked out a response...

"You're a Goddess"...

My over-heated tongue touched the cool flesh of his cock, and I felt Bill jerk in response, I swear if I could bottle the taste and scent of his skin into a soft drink, I'd be a rich woman. 

My new trick of relaxing my throat muscles was going to come in very handy in the next few minutes.. I pushed my mouth over and down, and Bill cursed and groaned simultaneously, at the unexpected shock of moist heat.

Now I have to admit that the carnal instruction I'd received at the hands of Mr. Bill Compton had served me very well indeed, especially when it came to this particular activity.

Using the requisite amount of force required to suck a ping-pong ball through a garden hose, I drew on him, speeding up my motions, hearing him alternately gasp, scream and babble through clenched teeth as my one hand clutched his hip and the other helped to stroke him. He wasn't going to last long at this rate, so I slowed down a notch and hummed a little tune I’d heard on the Island. The result was dramatic to say the least, Bill writhed and bucked, his fingers clawing into the headboard, I couldn't even hear most of what he was shouting, I was so immersed in my task. I knew when I felt him tense up even more and expand, that he was ready. I gave one last long draw and then I heard a shout and the cracking sound of splintering wood. 

I felt the pulse deep and forceful, and drew back, and off, sitting up as I did so. I noticed that Bill was panting hard, and clutching in his hands, two very ugly pieces of wood torn from his headboard, with an astounded look on his exhausted face.

I'd remember that look forever. 

Even though Bill had originally introduced 'Little Miss Virgin Sookie' to this procedure, I had to say at this point, judging from the results, that the pupil had far surpassed the Master. Good work, Grasshopper.

I had no doubts that this man would be my slave from here on.

I grinned.

The wood was soon tossed aside, and Bill's strong arms pulled me back to cover his cool body. When his mouth met mine, and his hands roamed over my warm skin, I felt at home. 

I'd really missed him more than I wanted to admit. I had wanted so much to still be angry with him, but lying here in his arms, it was impossible to remember just why I was so mad. I gave in to my impulses and allowed him to flip me to my back. His gaze at my tan and toned body showed surprise at his just discovering my um...Brazilian wax job.

I took his stunned silence and open mouth as a compliment to my charms and giggled, “It's a bikini thing they do... you know.."

Before I could finish my sentence, Bill had dived South of the Equator, and proceeded to remind me just what it was I liked about those firm lips and cool tongue of his. Needless to say, I was soon doing some screaming of my own and clutching his hair between my clenched fingers, and letting loose a stream of obscenities I'd swear later that I'd never said. 

As the last of my screams faded in the air, he'd plowed into me firmly, roughly establishing the pace and force of this next segment of our lovemaking. It was not sweet and tender, it was not romantic and gentle. He was pounding hard and fast and desperate and I loved every second of it. His groans and endearments mixed with my whimpers and moans of encouragement until I couldn't tell who was saying what. 

I swear at one point, we actually levitated together over the bed. I couldn't remember the last time he'd made love that way. Maybe it was angry sex, but whatever it was, I wasn't about to dismiss it.

This episode clearly showed me that even though he was a Vampire, there was a definite emotional link when we were together, and the escalating pace of our movements took us from the mundane act of love to the heights of a sublime spiritual connection. In other words, we came like freight trains.

I felt his cool lips kissing my face and neck, and realized he'd never even bitten me, something normally essential for him. 

"Sorry I was so rough, it's been such a long time.... " his eyes bore into mine, threatening to weaken my resolve about how this was going to play out. 

"I'm not complaining, am I?" 

I smiled... my fingers traced the line of his cheek. I had really missed these intimate conversations between episodes of lovemaking, and I knew I was in for more of the same before the night was over. 

Bill's pale serious face loomed over me in the dark, his fingers tracing little circles over my stomach.  
"You're going to stay with me tonight, aren't you? I’ve missed you.." 

"As long as you don't have any errands to run or anything."  
I smiled up at him in the dark, and his lips brushed my cheek. 

" I think the dry cleaners can wait.."  
I giggled, the tension had left us, at least temporarily..

Bill continued to gaze at me while I ran my fingers through his silky chest hairs..  
“Sookie, do you think you could ever love me again? I’ve never stopped loving you…”

This was dangerous ground, I didn’t want to lie and say I was his again, but on the other hand, I still definitely had very strong feelings where Bill Compton was concerned.. hot, blistering, fiery feelings…

“I do love you, Bill, I’m just much more…cautious than I used to be…and I’m going to need some time. There’s been a lot of mistakes on both our parts..”

That earned me a deep, soul-stirring kiss. Say what you will, but the man knew how to ring my bell.

For the most part, it was a successful campaign to at least establish some ground rules, and 4 and a half hours later, after biting a third pillow to shreds while on my knees, I congratulated myself on a job well done...For now. 

Hmmmm my new ‘S’ word for the day was going to be out and out SATISFIED !

Now all I had to do was confront Eric... Gawd. This is where it's going to get tricky.

After Bill tucked himself in, I crawled home at daybreak, sated and spent, to soak in a tub of hot water to soothe my poor abused body. I hated to think of what bruises would be showing up. I could always consider them battle scars, I guess.

Of course the message machine was on all night last night and Pam had called from her cell phone, no message though. That was a relief.

No news is good news where Eric Northman is concerned. I might need an extra day to recover from the hands (and other parts) of Mr. Compton. I was floating on another pink cloud of satisfaction. 

I wondered if the VRA could manage to get it made legal for Vampires and humans to marry if they could have multiple partners...sort of a Vampire Polygamy cult? I could be the first candidate. I grinned. 

I daydreamed about a big house with extra bedrooms and watching my two vamps check their daily schedule to see who got to 'entertain' me. Ahhhhh. What a great fantasy to keep handy for 'emergency' situations, like dentist office visits and oil changes. 

I literally slept like the dead. At 9pm that night I woke up, still sore but not as wobbly. I had told Bill that I needed a few days to get some things ironed out before I’d see him again, and didn’t want him spying on me, or anything of that nature. He readily agreed. I guess the promise of regular sex had dampened his obsession to manageable limits. 

It was amazing how easy it was to boil everything down to 2 directives, where the Vamps were concerned. It was always about money and sex, not necessarily in that order. If you couldn’t offer them one thing, the other would do just as nicely, thank you very much.

Eric didn’t need my money, that was obvious, and as far as sex goes, I think he wanted it simply because he couldn’t have it. If I’d been willing to serve it up the first time we’d met, I doubt I’d be in the pickle I am today. Of course the two weeks of his blackout almost didn’t count, even though we’d christened every room and every stick of furniture in the house. Hmmmmm.

Something to file away for future reference. When in doubt, give it up. At least you know where you stand. I chuckled at my new Mantra.

I busied myself with some household chores, checking to see if any of my groceries had spoiled and decided, there was no time like the present, to call Eric and make an appointment. It was like meeting the fucking President. He could ‘summon’ me, but I had to wait on His Majesty to be in the mood to be accepted into his presence. He was SO pretentious it was almost embarrassing. 

Since I had him on speed dial, I punched in the number 5, (ha, Eric, not even number 1, how’d you like that?) and waited for Clancy to answer the phone.

“Fantasia, the bar with a bite, how may I help you?”…Clancy’s grumpy response echoed through the phone.

“Clancy, this is Sookie Stackhouse, is Eric there tonight?”…I’m not going to whine, I’m not going to whine….

Clancy hissed in a breath between his teeth..

”Oooh…Sookie… now might not be the best time to ah….talk to Eric, he’s um…’ent-ter-tain-ing’, if you get my drift”. 

Immediately I knew he was lying. Or Eric made him lie. I could tell through the Blood bond, that Eric was:  
A. NOT having sex, or aroused in any way.  
B. Was standing right by the phone giving Clancy instructions, he forgot I could hear better than I used to. 

“Clancy, tell Mr. Northman, that I called and will call again, maybe next week, IF I HAVE TIME ! “ I slammed the phone down, knowing full well that I’d be getting a call right back from Eric’s cell.

5-4-3-2-1…*ring*

“Hello, Sookie’s House of Pain, How may we abuse you? Our specials today are nipple twisting and Stiletto castration. ”

Eric’s deep voice vibrated sarcasm all over his puny cell. 

“Ah, I see the Prodigal Daughter has returned, what a surprise.. Do you need bail money, or a trip to the free clinic?” 

“Oh, Mr. Northman, so nice to hear from you again, by the way, your account is overdue, so I guess that means no more spankings by Viking Transvestites.”

Surly would certainly describe Eric’s tone. Yeah, surly that’s it.

“Where’ve you been, Miss Stackhouse? Last night I definitely experienced some very erotic sensations on your behalf.”

“ I finally replaced the batteries in my vibrator.” Nosy Vampire.

“I highly doubt it. I imagine you went skipping over to Bill’s house to get in a late-night booty call after your weekend of debauchery.”

Well that WAS pretty close to what actually happened, but that was MY business.

I sighed. “Are you going to be around tomorrow? I think there are some things we should discuss.” 

I was getting exasperated. Big surprise. I told myself not to get too riled up. This was a game that Eric and I played all the time, only this time, it would go my way or else. I started pulling threads off my pajama bottoms.

“I will see if I have sufficient time for an audience for you, if not, it will have to be at my convenience”.. 

Oh please. I gave myself a big eye-roll. 

“Hm. Ok, well see you around then, sorry you won’t get to see my new tan and Brazilian wax job…” Then I hung up.

5-4-3-..*ring*

“Yello..” I checked my nails, they looked like crap.

“I believe I have a cancellation for tomorrow evening, say around 10pm? I think I have 30 minutes to spare”..

Eric was starting to cave, I could hear it in his voice. Men. So predictable. Mention ‘Brazilian’ and you can get the key to Fort Knox.

“ Thirty minutes, hmm. That doesn’t give you much time, but if that’s all the stamina you have then I guess it will have to do…”

I distinctly heard the sound of the cell phone hitting the floor, then a curse and shuffle as it was picked back up. 

“Just be here at 10pm, let ME worry about my stamina, Miss Stackhouse”. Eric growled into the phone.

“Fine, bye now, hear?.”….I forced my voice to be as cheery as possible, just to aggravate him. 

Mission accomplished. Now I’d have to find some dynamite outfit that said, ‘Willing to have shameful sex, but not a Slut’. 

For that I needed a trip to “The Bird of Paradise” lingerie shop. They specialized in undies of course, but also stripper clothes and other ‘performance’ outfits. 

Maybe something that looked sexy but tasteful that came with Velcro fasteners. I was tired of all my nice dresses getting ripped off me, even though I guess it’s sort of a compliment.

Either that or there’s some Vamps out there with Low Frustration Tolerance Syndrome.

I bookmarked the page in the Yellow Pages, to visit the shop tomorrow afternoon after work. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sookie finds her Inner Goddess and puts the men in her life in their place, once and for all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MATURE CHAPTER, NO UNDERAGE READERS, THIS MEANS YOU. I SWEAR I’LL FIND YOU. And that means no more Naruto toys.  
> * Charlaine Harris owns all, not mine, just playing around in the gutter, you know, the usual. 
> 
> xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

CHAPTER 6

After swimming through pools of Lycra and sequins at the Bird Of Paradise, I’d finally found the dress I wanted. I’d selected a scarlet silk sheath, with a beaded sweetheart neckline, about 3 inches above my knees, sleeveless, with a built-in push-up bra. 

My Girls would look like they were trying to climb out of the dress. It also had one of those ultra-fast zippers that dancers use. Perfect.

To add to the ensemble, I had 3-inch heels, with red ribbon straps that wound around my ankles, ending with little bows. I’d only picked out some ruby ear studs, since I was going for a more understated look, and made sure to have the saleslady take a picture of me in the dress and heels, just so I could duplicate the outfit later if it got destroyed or anything. 

And of course, no stockings. What would be the point? My glorious tan should suffice. I figured I’d wear that nice red velvet thong I’d never got around to wearing in St.Barts.

All I had to do now was to go home and fix my hair, apply about 2 coats of makeup and paint my nails and toes a lovely red and I’d be ready. The look I was going for was ‘I’ll Eat You Alive But You Can’t Have Me”. I thought that would be appropriate, at least until I decided Mr. Northman's fate.

I took a nice long shower, noticed that there weren’t any bruises really showing, and made sure to cover every inch of my skin with a lotion that had a slight shimmer to it. Of course I was completely ‘groomed’, so that helped. 

After applying some darker eye shadow and mascara, I put on some red lip gloss, and worked on my hair, brushing it upside down to give it a lot of body. Then I curled it into long spiral waves. Not too many, just enough to make it look like I’d just taken it down. 

I spritzed on some ‘Casmir’, an exotic mix of Egyptian sandalwood and musk and I was ready to hit the road. I grabbed my black silk wrap and strutted out to my car. 

I’d achieved my goal. I looked like the Whore of Babylon. 

I half expected to see Bill pop out of the trees and demand to know where I was going. Hopefully, I’d worn him out enough the other night, that it would take him a week to recover, and luckily for me he was nowhere in sight.

The drive to Shreveport was tedious as usual, but I kept my spirits up by imagining how annoyed Eric would be when I was not only 15 minutes late, but dressed to kill as well. He could wait on me. It wasn’t like he was going anywhere.

I should have sold tickets to this meeting, I’m sure Pam could have made a killing on the betting odds. I should call her and give her a head’s up.

I punched her speed dial number into my cell.

“This is Pam”. Short and sweet.

“Hi Pam, this is Sookie, I’m on the way to the club to meet Eric. You’ll want to watch this.”

“I understand perfectly, Mr. Blake, we’ll have your reservation ready”.

Eric was standing right next to her. I love a woman that can think on her feet.

After a drive of about 10 more minutes, I arrived at the club and parked in the regular customer parking, instead of in the back. I didn’t want to use the Employee entrance like I usually do, so Eric wouldn’t be expecting me to use the front door. 

I wanted to make an entrance, and an entrance it would be. I imagined him hovering near the back door, ready to pounce on me as soon as I arrived. How wrong he was.

I marched through the small groups of tourists and regular patrons, and to the black leather covered front door. Pam was stationed by the velvet rope and her face broke out in an uncharacteristic grin. 

“Sookie, so nice to see you, you’re looking especially edible tonight. I’m sure my Master will appreciate the effort.”

Translation: Eric will shit Twinkies when he sees that dress. 

“Why thank you Pam, you’re looking gorgeous yourself tonight. Is the club very busy?”

Translation: Is Eric in the club or his office?

“Why no, it’s not very busy tonight, the Master is catching up on some paperwork”. 

Translation: He’s pouting in his office, waiting for me, and watching the back door. 

“Thanks Pam, hope to see you inside later”.

Translation: You don’t want to miss this.

“Looking forward to it”.

Now what really should unnerve someone is to see Pam grinning. I shivered. 

Pam followed me into the club, keeping a discreet distance. I strolled in like I owned the place, my head held high, and took off my wrap and draped it over my arm. I looked like a million bucks. Then I turned and scanned the crowd with a smirk on my face, and noticed that every male (and a few females) in the room had their head turned towards me and all conversation had stopped. I continued to the bar, and ordered a gin and tonic from the new bartender, some lovely Oriental girl vamp I’d met a few months ago. 

Pam motioned to the girl and told her “My treat”. The she sat on a barstool to watch the action. I thanked her and then made a circuit around the room, taking the long way towards the offices. I noticed a few men with their mouths hanging open. The male Vamps all had their fangs out. I smiled at all of them.

I could see down the long hallway that led to Eric’s office that he was standing by the back door, looking out of the club, obviously laying in wait for me.

Pam appeared at my elbow. 

“Should I announce you?” She had a distinct smirk on her face. 

“Oh yes, that would be lovely, thanks” I grinned my best Crazy Sookie grin.

“Fine, wait here at this table for him..” 

She gave me a knowing look and placed me at the most high-profile table in the place, right next to his ‘throne’, as it were. She wanted to make sure Eric would get the full effect of my appearance. She was enjoying this way too much for someone who’s supposed to be subservient to her ‘Maker’…I chuckled. It always helped to have a partner in crime.

I draped myself across the seat and crossed my legs. Good thing I remembered to wear underwear, even if it was only a thong. That short dress was hell to negotiate while trying to make a statement.  
I adopted a bored expression and sat back. 

Pam disappeared into the back. I heard a loud "WHAT ? ” and Eric quickly appeared at the hallway entrance to the club. I pretended not to notice, but I could see with my peripheral vision that his mouth had dropped open. I slowly let my gaze wander to where he was standing, completely shell-shocked, and gave him a casual little wave. 

He strode purposefully, but visibly keeping himself in check, simply because of all the witnesses. Every man in the place looked at him in awe, and every woman glowered at me. Well most of them anyway.  
I noticed Pam had her hand covering her mouth to avoid laughing out loud. 

I’d totally forgotten about the power of physical male beauty, until he stepped into the room. I’m sure every male Vamp in there could tell my heartbeat just escalated. A six-foot 4-inch-tall, gorgeous Viking, with long blonde hair and ice-blue eyes, Vampire or not, was very intimidating. I gulped.

“Miss Stackhouse, how nice of you to grace us with the honor of your presence.” his voice dripped sarcastic menace. 

It was a testament to his self-control that he behaved like a perfect gentleman in public. Unless you happened to look at his fingers, they were clenched, and his eyes bore through me like a laser. His black jeans and t-shirt clung to his rock-hard body, concealed partially by his black leather jacket. I quickly recovered myself and grinned. 

“Mr. Northman, always a pleasure.” I winked, and that earned me a flinch from his left eye. I was really pushing it.

“Perhaps you’d like to visit with me in my office, where it’s not so noisy. I’m sure you remember the way..” Eric offered me his arm, all the while staring directly at my cleavage. I wonder if he’d named them yet. 

He finally noticed the attention all the other men in the place were giving me, and confidently draped my arm though his and strutted with me in tow towards the hallway. Pam whispered in my ear as I passed her… ”Don’t get anything on that dress, I may want to borrow it later..”

When we reached his office and the door was securely closed, he spun me around and pushed me against it, his hands on my shoulders. His mouth immediately descended on mine, his fingers gripped my dress and started to pull..  
I broke the kiss long enough to gasp out, ”Don’t you dare rip this dress, Eric Northman, if you want to keep your testicles where they are.. ”

He was shaking with both fury and lust, a powerful combination.

I pushed him away as forcibly as I could..

“Look, before we get sidetracked into doing something we’ll regret right now, I think we should have ‘that talk’, as you so deftly put it.”

Eric stepped back…and smirked, of course. I expected no less. But I had to stand firm. I noticed Eric was standing ‘firm’ too. Oh boy.  
I will not get distracted. I will not get distracted. I will… oh Lordy.

“Well as soon as you give me a valid reason for being unaccounted for without my knowledge or permission, then by all means, then we can have ‘that talk’, you keep avoiding.”

Eric sat down behind his desk, no doubt to give himself the leverage of power. Damn arrogant Vampire.

I’d show him power.

I sat across from him, perched on the corner of the office console, and very slowly, with my back arched, crossed my legs again, this time not making so much of an effort to be proper about where my dress landed. His mouth hung open and his fangs ran out.

”I think the office is a little too crowded and public …” I leaned over and brushed the hair from his forehead..” for what I want to discuss…I think it would be better to find someplace with more….. privacy..?”

I gave him a bright smile and leaned over just enough to insure that my cleavage was at its maximum velocity.

Eric was no fool, although he was male, “Don’t toy with me Sookie, I have hundreds of years worth of experience on you, in regards to the ways of women.” He smirked. So predictable. Not THIS woman.

I sighed.. 

“Well, ok, if you don’t want to… I guess we’ll have to save that ‘talk’ for another day.. ”

Eric chuckled even louder at that remark. “You’re not going anywhere until I get answers. You didn’t call me back, the cell phone I gave you is unavailable and you deliberately didn’t tell me where you were going..”

Ok, it was, pure and simple, a power play.

“Eric, I’m a free citizen of the US. I don’t have to check in with you if I want to take a weekend trip to a day spa. You’re not paying for it, you’re not my Daddy, my Boss or my Husband, so just get over it. I think you’re totally over-reacting. Now if you want to move this discussion to a more comfortable location, then I’m all for it, otherwise…”

I got up and placed my hand on the doorknob…

“I’ll be leaving.”

“Did Bill see you in that dress too?”…

Ok, now THAT was a surprise.. Eric was now sporting a lovely pout. I didn’t have the heart to tell him Bill had seen me in absolutely nothing for about 6 hours. 

“As a matter of fact, no, I bought this especially to wear for you tonight”. I grinned.

That seemed to take the edge off him. I knew when to pick my battles.

“Really?” He smirked again, confident of his superiority.

“Yes, do you like it? If not, I’m sure we can find someplace for me to remove it in favor of something more acceptable…”

Eric considered that last remark, then picked up the desk phone and called Pam. 

“Yes, Miss Stackhouse and I will be leaving for a while, you have your keys to lock up? Fine. Bye”

Ten minutes later and Eric was ushering me through the front door of his house, the one I’d never been invited to or even seen. I was still a little shaky from the ride in his ‘Vette, considering he broke about 4 traffic laws to get us here in this amount of time. I hoped the red lights we ran didn’t have cameras, I’m sure the look on my face was priceless.

Now I would have thought someone as sophisticated as Eric would have a penthouse or McMansion, but he had a nice split-level 4 bedroom place right outside the suburbs, with about 2 acres of land. 

Outside there was a pool, a hot tub, a nice garden with a view of the river, and inside, some pretty expensive looking electronic goodies, not that I’m an expert, but I did notice a pretty big plasma screen in the front room and the required bachelors black leather sofa. But I wasn’t there to critique his décor. 

Apparently he had either human or shifter visitors often, because the kitchen was actually outfitted with stainless steel appliances and there was a working bathroom.

Needless to say, I was pretty impressed, especially since Bill’s place was so much more rugged in terms of amenities than Eric's place.

“Please, make yourself at home, I’m sure I can manage to find you something to drink. ” Ok, he was being way too accommodating. He was up to something.

“Do you bring all the women you’re Blood-bonded to out here?” 

I felt decidedly snippy, that he’d made such an effort to get in my pants and I’d never even seen this place.

“No, lover, you are the first. I have from time to time, brought visiting dignitaries here, but that’s as far as my hospitality extends.” He handed me a glass of red wine. How original.

“Well, apparently you’re no longer avoiding the topic at hand that I’ve been trying to get you to discuss for the past 4 months..” Eric smirked..” Please, ladies first..”

Here we go.

“Eric, you’ve been after me for ages to talk about our little ‘escapade’, and what this Blood Bond thing is doing to us and, well, I have some very definite thoughts on the subject..” I was pacing now that I was actually getting it all out of my system. I was hoping I could stop if I had to…

Eric waved a dismissive hand my way, as he dropped himself to lounge onto the black leather sofa.  
“Please, by all means, continue, it amuses me to see you so defensive over something that can obviously be explained so simply.” Infuriating bastard.

I sighed…. 

“Eric, that tone of voice is not helping me concentrate.” I glared at him, of course he ignored it. 

“Ever since you stayed at my house, you’ve made all kinds of stupid innuendos about what happened there, and when you finally remembered our few days together, you acted as if I were a Leper that shouldn’t be allowed to wipe your shoes. And I couldn’t tell you everything about what happened because of your being implicated in that ‘other nonsense’. You’d have held it over me to get what you wanted…At the same time, you’re using this stupid Blood Bond to basically keep tabs on me. I don’t like it one little bit..”

My pacing was reaching critical mass, I wondered if I were wearing a hole in the nice Persian rug. 

“Continue… ” Eric waved an imperious hand my way.

“That Blood bond screws things up because the feelings I get aren’t authentic. If I wanted to feel happy and safe when you show up, I want to feel that way because YOU make me feel that way and not because some Asshole Vampire from New Orleans decided to make a slave out of me, and you had to step in to save me yet again.”

“Go on..” 

I was on a roll. Eric at least looked like he was paying attention.

“Ok, the other thing… ” I stopped in front of Eric and sat down next to him on the sofa. His eyes blazed blue fire at me.

“When you were ‘cursed’ and you stayed with me, I got the impression that your personality might probably have been what you were like when you were human. You were amazing, you were strong and protective, but gentle and sweet, and we connected on a level that I never saw this (pointing at him) Eric display. I don’t know if it’s because you’ve had to become a different personality, but I have to believe that the ‘other’ Eric was real, at least for a little while.”

“So what was so special about this other Eric, that made you feel so strongly for him ?” He’d turned his face from me..

“You expressed real love, Eric. Something I’ve never seen you do. You promised to come live with me and basically marry me, if I wanted. To give up everything to be with me. The Eric I knew would never do that. I knew as soon as you regained your memories that it would all be over, so I had to avoid you. The other Eric was a hard act to follow.”

Eric clenched his hands together and narrowed his eyes at me..

“What do you know about what I would do? What do you know about whether I can feel love for a human or not? You make too many assumptions, Sookie. I have never had such a difficult time attaining the attentions of a human female as I have you.”

He stood up and started his own pacing, his eyes blazing. Maybe we each should have our own designated pacing areas.

“You disrespect me in front of my subordinates, you actually told me to “SHOO” at your house one day and had the audacity to rescind my invitation to your home after all the things I’d done for you.”

Eric spun around…”Bill was not worthy of you. I knew it before you did, and I gave Bill a choice to be honest with you and he wouldn’t, so I had to force his hand.”

My mouth dropped open..

“The only reason that Bill told you in New Orleans about his mission to ‘befriend you’ on the Queen’s orders, is because I knew other, more serious things about Bill that he didn’t want revealed. Nothing to do with you, but just as serious”. Eric’s pacing became more erratic.

Well this is going to put Mr. Compton at a definite disadvantage..

“I have never taken as many bullets for a human as I have you..”

Ok, pack your bags, we’re going on a guilt trip..

“I have not lived a thousand years because I was careless where humans are concerned. “ Eric’s eyes were practically spitting blue fire at this point.

“The fact is, Sookie Stackhouse, is that I have loved you far longer than you can imagine, and you have done everything to make it difficult for me. I’m not used to human mating rituals any longer and the things that I think would impress a human woman are no longer acceptable..”

“You mean, no heads on stakes as wedding presents and that kind of thing?”

“Precisely.”.

“Ah.” Well that made sense.

“So what you’re telling me is, that you really do have feelings for me in spite of your vampire tendencies but you can’t express them in a normal human kind of way?” I’m sure the look on my face was more than amusing.

“ More or less..” Eric fidgeted…I don’t think I’d ever seen anything quite so endearing.

“Well how about this?”.. I reached for his hand, and pulled him down to the sofa next to me..

“How about we take it one day at a time, and just see where it goes, instead of the arguing and power struggles?”

Eric’s eyes narrowed.. ”I’m used to getting my own way, Sookie”..

I sighed.. ”Yeah, so how’s that working for you so far?”

“Hmmmm I see your point.”

“Look Eric, apparently I’m not a normal human woman, even though for 25 years I thought I was, just with a little quirk. But now I know different, so I think all bets are off in regards to how you think I should be handled. I mean, I can’t be glamoured or influenced to do anything, and I’m horribly stubborn.”

“I concur..” Eric was beginning to think logically. I might actually get out of this house alive.

“I have feelings for you too, Eric, but I want to see if they’re real and not the result of some forced artificial ritual that shouldn’t even have been performed on me. I want to spend time with you to see if you’re really the arrogant prick everyone says you are, or if you’re really a big Viking teddy bear that I want to be around..”

Total silence and a glare.

“ All right, maybe the Viking teddy bear is a bit much, but you get the picture.”

Eric pondered his options. I continued.

“I mean if it’s just a matter of having sex, well, we’ve had it, so if that’s all it means to you, then Game Over.”

“You mean, I don’t get to visit Brazil?” He looked disappointed.

Gawd. All this dialog and this is what he’s most concerned with..

All men are horn dogs. Vamps especially. I have it on good authority.

“Let’s finish our talk before we start discussing visiting uncharted territories.” I mock glared at him.

“Fine.. I have just one request..” Eric’s hands covered mine..

“Let her rip”..

Eric leaned towards me, his pale face chiseled as if from white marble, and his clear blue eyes scanned my face..

“If you have questions about something concerning us, then ask me. I will answer you honestly, as long as you do the same for me.”

“Ok, deal.” Uh oh, here it comes.

“Tell me what you plan to do about Bill.”

“I’m giving Bill a chance to show me he’s not a complete jerk.”  
I almost crossed my fingers on that one, it was so close to the edge.

“Are you planning to sleep with him again?” Eric looked interested but not livid, that was a good thing.

“Honestly Eric, I’m still in the early stages of figuring out what I want from either of you two. I’m also not going to be stamped ‘Property of Eric Northman’ either, unless I get the ring that goes with it, and I’m not ready for that step. Maybe not for a long time.”

“You didn’t answer my question…” The hand got a little tighter.

Suck it up, Stackhouse..

“I may, then again, it depends on whether or not I get pissed off at him again. He doesn’t have the best track record in that department. Is that going to be a problem?”

“No, I’m not quite as provincial as Bill in that respect..” Eric grinned.  
“Besides, I know I’m far more ‘adequate’ than Bill, in many areas”..

Damn skippy.

“You have to understand, Eric, that Bill was my first love, and it’s really hard to dismiss everything that happened between us. If there’s still a spark, then there’s still a spark, but quite frankly I haven’t made any promises to him that require my undivided attention.”

Eric lounged back on the sofa.. grinning like the Cheshire Cat.

“So does that mean we’ll have sex on a regular basis now?”

I stood up, facing Eric…thrust my chest out, and stepped back a couple feet…then reached my hand behind my dress, and slowly unzipped it…letting it slide from my body to the floor into a luscious red silk puddle. 

The combination of my red velvet thong, red 3 inch high heels and gravity-defying breasts caused Eric Northman, thousand year-old Vampire Lord, to become speechless for once in his long-undead life. I hoped Pam had a camera hidden in here someplace.

“I think that can be arranged…but no jealous outbursts and no spying on me when I’m not with you…”…

It was amazing what leverage a pair of bountiful knockers had in negotiations. 

Eric finally found his voice, shaky as it was at the moment.. his fangs were definitely out.

“I want to see it….”

I widened my stance slightly and put both hands on my hips…and watched Eric’s face. 

I slowly pulled the straps on either side of the thong down just low enough to reach my hip joint. It gave a very revealing view, but not completely. Then I left it there. 

He looked up at me and motioned…”Um.. all of it?”  
I smirked..

“You’ll have to use your teeth.”

Eric had a confused look for a second, and when I arched my eyebrow at him, the realization hit home. 

Faster than I could see, Eric had lunged to the floor on his knees, his hands slithered up my silky tanned legs and he’d found one strap of the thong.  
His fangs made short work of it, and as it fluttered away, he covered my simmering Brazil with his cool mouth, and kneaded my hips roughly.

My knees buckled slightly trying to stand still on those 3-inch heels while Eric’s cool tongue danced the Tarantella over my Amazon river. I started to tip over and Eric disengaged himself with an audible ‘pop’, arose and picked me up and threw me over his shoulder like the spoils of war, and carried me to his bedroom on a thrilling cloud of Viking desire. I distinctly heard a Viking war cry in there somewhere, but I can’t tell you what it meant..

After being flung unceremoniously onto my back on his fake-fur covered bed..(oh PLEASE) I attempted to remove my shoes, at which point, Eric, walking around the room while he quickly stripped, blurted out..

”NO, NO, leave them on, leave them on…!”

All I saw was a blur of black being tossed around the room and the next thing I knew, I was staring at a Norse God come to life. 

“You’re magnificent….” I found myself gasping…

Now I know why the Scandinavians worshipped Thor, he was here in front of me, in all his naked glory, Hammer and all. And what a Hammer it was. I’d sort of blocked the memory of all that out, seeing as I didn’t think there was any point to driving myself insane with the visuals.

I peeled away what was left of my thong, and gave Eric a first-hand wide reclining view of Brazil, at which point I was dragged by my ankles towards the edge of the bed, and given what could only be described as a complete geography lesson. By a cool Vampire tongue. 

Eric wrapped my thighs around his neck, and looked at me long enough to give me a huge smile.. ”You are exquisite ”… 

Then he disappeared back into my Amazon River basin and I didn’t see his face for another 10 minutes, just long enough for me to explode and scream out some more profanities which of course, I still deny I said.  
I have to watch that stuff. Everyone I date is going to think I have Tourette's..

A few more cool Electric eel moments later, Eric pulled my ankles from around his back and up around my ears to finish the job…damn good thing I’d taken those Yoga lessons at the hotel, or this could have been awkward.

There’s just no delicate way to put it.. I was impaled with Eric's massive Hammer filling me deep and tight, and it was as if I’d been hit with one of Thor’s lightning bolts. If I’d been a country invaded by these Norseman, I’d have rolled out the red carpet for them, just for their performances in the sack. 

Between Eric shouting in old Swedish with every long powerful stroke and my pulling fistfuls of his hair out, while in a frenzy of raging lust, I’m surprised I didn’t black completely out. I was getting the pounding of my life, especially since I’d really made him wait for it. 

His mouth covered mine at some point and I swallowed his shuddering moans, while being vigorously stuffed repeatedly with a cock the size of the Texas panhandle. 

I had to wonder, why oh why, had I been fighting this for so long? Did I need my head examined or what? Stupid cow.

Our rhythm settled into a demanding but controlled frenzy, speeding up until I felt I was just a blur in the room. The claw marks on Eric’s back were healing while I was digging new ones, and I bit his shoulder just hard enough to send him over the edge into a massive climax that I could feel all the way to my sternum..

I heard screams in two different languages and realized I’d been speaking some other foreign tongue while another foreign tongue was being bellowed like a battle cry.  
I was panting like I’d run the 100 in 5.1 and trying to pry my high heels from around my ears.  
Eric collapsed like a beached whale over me and I had to struggle to breathe.. all the while he mumbled incoherently something about Brazil.  
I slapped his shoulder and thank God he rolled off just before I lost consciousness.

“Well lover, it seems we’ve come to an understanding..” his chest heaving..

“Don’t start.. ” I panted.. Please don’t spoil it, you undead bastard.

He rolled towards me, pulling my leg over his and chuckled..

”See what you’ve been missing? We could have been doing this for many weeks now.. I’m sure you have never had as good a lover…”

“Shut up” I started looking around the room for something sharp and wooden.

The old Eric was definitely back. Was he a split personality that was sweet and honest one minute and a narcissistic egomaniac the next? I think I had my answer.

It was Yes.

One VERY long shower, a midnight dip in the ice-cold pool, ( he said it was Viking tradition. As if. ) another long snuggle under the fake fur..(Gawd) and I was toast. I had to admit it was difficult keeping up with him since he had no problems healing after a night of well-earned depravity, but I was a mess.

My mascara had smudged to the point of Alice Cooper special effects, and my lipstick…well let’s just say it wasn’t on my mouth anymore and I couldn’t remember exactly where I’d left it.. well I did, but I can’t get it back now. I think Eric was wearing it the last time I looked, and I’m not talking mouth here, okay?

Eric was leaning on one hand, staring at me..

“So, you will move in here with me and we can plan a wedding in December, how does that suit you?” Eric was twirling one of my long blonde curls between his fingers..

“Um…I’m not ready to get married Eric, remember our little talk?”

“It is of no consequence. We are suited for each other more than any other partner. That is the most important thing.” I could tell he was tired, because he was lapsing back into his Norse form of formal speech.  
“Nope, don’t think so.. sorry, not ready”. I knew this was headed for trouble.  
I smiled up at him to dampen the bad mood I knew was on the horizon.  
“Do you not love me, Sookie?” He gave me that puppy-dog-eyed look. I’m such a sucker for that.

“Yes, Eric, I do love you..” 

Eric smiled his wide Viking smile and whispered in my ear.. ”If we get married, I can visit Brazil every night…”

“You still have immigration status to apply for…” I smirked.  
Eric chuckled..

“I’m applying for political asylum on the grounds that Brazil is the only country I want to live in.” Hard to argue with that.

“What if I’m getting requests from other political refugees?”

“I get first dibs…” Eric pouted  
.  
“Why is that?”.. I snickered.

“I have a bigger passport..” 

That’s for damn sure. But I wasn’t ready to kick old Bill to the curb just yet. There’s something to be said for angst and moodiness as an aphrodisiac. 

“How about this, you can visit Brazil twice a week and we’ll see how it goes, in case you want to renew your Visitors visa and change it to Residents later?” I grinned. I should have been a diplomat.

“And Bill?” Eric rolled his eyes..

“I may decide to let him visit again if he passes the quarantine laws..”

“Whatever..as long as my time with you is not diminished.” Two blazing blue eyes bore into mine.

“Bill will do whatever I tell him”.. I grinned. 

“Fine, it’s settled then…you will move in here with me, and we’ll plan a wedding in December……….what?"

He smiled such a blazing white smile so wide I almost couldn’t smack him. Almost. 

Apparently my ‘S’ word now was Sucker. 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sookie finds her Inner Goddess and puts the men in her life in their place, once and for all.
> 
> EPILOGUE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had an additional epilogue up at the other site but everyone complained it was too confusing, so I cut it from this version.
> 
> I own nothing, Charlaine Harris owns everything and I promise to let Sookie play in this chapter, unless I get a C&D.
> 
> \---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I had such a nice and sunny disposition going for myself, I felt at peace with the world and the Vampires in it, I had taken my stands with both the boys and surprisingly came out unscathed. Being alive after bitching out and then screwing 2 vampires beyond the brink of insanity was always a point ahead of the game.

I felt a renewed sense of purpose…and the idea of having 2 men at my sexual beck and call was… well, what can I tell you? Empowering? Dominant? Slutty? Whatever fits. I grinned.

Until I called Pam, the 5th day after being home. I swear, I’m going to rent out space on that black cloud hanging over my head. 

“So, how was St. Barths? Anything you’d like to share?” Pam snickered. 

I was stunned..

"How.. how did you know where I was?". I gulped.

Pam giggled, now that was REALLY out of character for her, which of course, immediately terrified me.

"Are you kidding me? There's video of you on the internet from a webcam at the club. Everyone on YOUTUBE is watching it. You look like you were having a blast, who were the hunks? Does Eric know about these guys? Can I get their phone numbers?“

SHIT ! 

I felt like sinking into the floor.

"What... *voice squeak* What does it show me doing?"  
Oh Mary Queen of Scots, please please please don’t let it be……dammit all to Hell..

"Well there's the clip of you dancing with these 2 gorgeous guys, VERY sexy, I might add, and then there's one of you dancing on the bar and tossing your bra to some cute cop, and.... wow, who’s the girl you’re um….performing with? Ooohhhh. Can I get HER phone number? Oh hey, here’s one of you from someone’s camera phone.. Oh great, another one !"  
I got the distinct vibe that Pam was impressed. 

"NO, I don't want to hear any more! So has Eric seen them?" I asked through clenched teeth. I started to tear at the hem of my sundress.

"Honey, the entire Free WORLD has seen them, it's the highest rated show on Youtube !! This is HOT! Where can I sign up to do this? Oh and the next time you go to a ‘day spa’, Miss Thang , I’m coming with you. Just think of all the trouble we could get into..". 

Yeah, just think. Pam had nothing but admiration in her voice. 

So much for my new exalted status as SuperSookie.  
I cringed while whining to Pam..

"Sooooo was Eric mad?"...

Pam chuckled.. "Honey he's still laughing his ass off, he's watching them over and over. I believe he even sent Bill the link to the videos, just to piss him off..”

Oh. Gawd. If I could have dropped into the center of the earth at that moment, it couldn’t have come soon enough. The problem with guys that live forever, is that they’ll NEVER let you hear the end of anything. I am SO fucked.

Pam continued her praise.

“Hey, don’t sound so upset, you’re going to be a big star! This video got picked up for that DVD series called ‘SUPERNATURAL SLUTS GONE WILD’ or something, ever hear of it? 

Sookie, ...Sookie? You there?”

==========================

END

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